Just Call it Intuition
by Calloniel
Summary: "When Yuki, an orphan with a tragic past, knocks over a priceless valuable, she ends up indebted to the Host Club! Oh, what will they do with her?" Isn't that how it's suppose to go? Well, I definitely broke something expensive, but it was on purpose. Maybe I should summarize it like this - a nutcase American decides to shake things up at Ouran Academy. How's that sound? OC
1. Chapter I

**Chapter I – What's the Fourth Wall Again?**

First things first ~

_Disclaimer_: I do not own, nor do I pretend to own Ouran High School Host Club or Naruto. While that would be fantastic, alas, I live on planet earth.

For those concerned with seeing 'Naruto' up their in the disclaimer, _this is not a crossover._ I am simply borrowing some character because honestly, with a story as complex as I'm going to attempt to make this, it's simply too much to think about. And Kishimoto makes fantastic characters.

Anyway, I hope that you guys enjoy this. I've been watching the anime (I finished the manga years ago) and this idea kinda popped into my head. Honestly, there was no prewriting or planning for this... at all. Which is unusual for me. Even if you don't follow the fandom, I'm going to try and make it a good read anyway. Any critics, comments, questions, or just plain 'nice job's' are welcome.

Enjoy!

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I hummed happily, my messenger bag bouncing against my hip as I walked up the stairs. As an American, I took pride in my walk. It was sassy, confident, and, dare I say, majestic. Damn right, I said majestic. Borderline bald eagle majestic. It is something that every American teenage girl should learn to use to her advantage. You sway the hips just right and bam! There go the boys.

I ignored the whispers and stares as I danced up the stairs of the south building. Being the very first day of school, I couldn't help but make an impression. An extra large t-shirt with a fire-breathing dragon on the front and torn up shorts was my main attire. My granddad's army jacket was wrapped around my waist, the green a contrasting color with the black, reds, and purples. I had debated between my Doc Martens and my Converse, but really? Come on, the boots were the obvious choice. Makeup, something I usually didn't bother with, accentuated the blue in my eyes, while I kept my hair in a messy bun. Blatantly out of dress code, but I have to keep up the American rebellious image. I was also too poor to afford a uniform, but hey, making it sound like I'm fitting a stereotype sounds cooler.

Reaching the top step, I glanced left and right before I turned and walked onwards down the hall. Classes hadn't started yet, so I was exploring my new playground. And there was something that I noticed; Image was everything around here. All the snotty rich kids wore expensive diamonds earrings, had chauffeurs escort them to school. I actually saw a kid have servants walking around with him. Chandeliers hung from the ceiling, and intricate lace curtains framed stained glass windows. Everything sparkled with a special kind of clean.

It was disgusting.

You're probably curious about all this, aren't you? Who I am, where I'm from, why I'm walking down the halls of one of the most prodigious schools in Japan like I own the place? Well, I guess I can start where everything usually starts. With a name. And my name is Audrey Harp, a spur of the moment foreign exchange student at Ouran Academy. First year, class… well, it's a class. I can't remember.

I was born in Scottsdale, Arizona. It's supposedly a rich girl town, with grand houses, exquisite buildings and such. My family was pretty well off, though far from the status of these kids. We're probably a six or seven on the rich people scale. Now I know you're wondering, 'How does an (above) middle class American get into Ouran Academy, the school for the richest of the rich?' The answer is relatively simple.

Actually, scratch that, it's really not all that simple. Dear reader, I'm going to tell you this now, so that if you would like, you can click that back button and go find some other story. Cause things are gonna get a little Mary-Sue here.

I'm special. I joke and like to say special needs, but that's really not the case. When I was young, maybe seven, I was hit in the head with a baseball bat when a kid tried to steal my bicycle. Luckily, I only got a concussion, but things changed then. It was like a switch to a whole new side of my brain being flipped on.

The only way I can really describe it is intuition. I just… I know things. I could look at a guy and realize that he was having an affair and was about ten thousand dollars in debt. Once, when I was shopping with my mother in Target, I knew the woman in line ahead of us was worried about her son, who was sick with a cold. I knew that my father was sleeping with two other women on the side. And I knew that my mother married him for his money, so she didn't really care.

And this is just from _looking_ at people. Imagine what I learn from touching. Which is actually quite a lot. It's not mind reading by any means. Like I said, I simply call it intuition. But touching a person… that's a whole other can of beans. That's intuition times ten with the power of a physic medium. Because sometimes, when I touch someone, I can see his or her future. I thank baby Jesus that it's a come and go thing; If every time I shook hands with someone new and I realized that they were planning on masturbating to a rape porno, I would probably go crazy. Not that I've ever read that off a person before. Really, just an example.

Are you still with me? Yeah? Great. Onwards and upwards.

So, the next question – how did I end up here? It all started when I was handed a pink flyer. Sitting in Spanish class my freshman year, Señora Sanchez (that seems like such a common last name for someone of Hispanic heritage) had been explaining the foreign exchange opportunities that our school provided. She handed out the flyers as she spoke, and I remember her accent very clearly. I also remember that she was a hoarder and often debated doing naughty things to her students, but I digress.

As she handed the fateful flyer to me, I remember getting a shock. A literal tingle ran up my fingertips. I remember the look she gave me when I practically ripped it out of her hands. I had scanned it, waiting for my intuition to kick in, and it did. Right as I got to the word _Japan_.

_A smiling boy, with the strangest blue eyes, dramatically speaking to a pair of twins._

_The same boy, but this time, holding hands with a dark haired girl. They smile at each other and share a kiss._

_A blonde haired boy, swimming with a pink tube in a current pool._

_One of the twins, hair dyed dark, holding hands with his counterpart._

_A tall, black haired boy, with his nose buried in a black book. The light reflect off his glasses, hiding his eyes._

_A horse drawn carriage and a spell._

_A family._

I had known immediately that I should go there. I also knew that it was entirely possible. My father had business dealings in Japan after all, and what good were they if he didn't abuse them from time to time? It was a pull, almost a need, to go to Japan. As soon as the bell rang I darted for the door, intent to switch out my Spanish class for a course in Japanese. That, combined with the infamous Rosetta Stone, I managed to become your average Japanese speaker by the end of the school year. It's amazing what motivation and hard work can do.

You won't be shocked to realize that my family didn't really care. I mean, they shipped my brother off to military school – why would me going across the planet be any different? I know in my heart that they did care. My parents love me – I am, after all, their only daughter. But it's hard to connect to your parents when you see their every flaw. That isn't to say I didn't love them; I did, with my whole heart.

Thanks to the uniform on the little flashes I had seen, I knew that _something_ was telling me to go to Ouran Academy. After some research, I realized to my utter dismay, that it was a school for rich brats with a shit ton of money. While the school was listed on the option for the exchange program, it was only there for formality it seemed. The amount the program provided was nowhere near enough to pay for a years worth of education.

It took a lot of pleading on my part to get my father to use his connections to help me qualify for a scholarship. While he _did_ have dealings in Japan, he worked with a very… uh, _prestigious_ family. He didn't want to mess that up in anyway, and he hated to ask for any sort of favor. It must be a man thing. But either way, I guess he contacted them, because he managed to get me a chance to win a scholarship. I just had to take some tests and sign up for certain courses and promise to do certain extracurriculars, and I would be accepted into the academy.

After weeks of studying, planning, and crying, I passed the test in flying colors and got the green light.

Finally, after dreaming of this for over a year, I had arrived. I had gotten lodgings via the foreign exchange program, so I essentially switched homes with a kid named Naruto Uzumaki. His family, like mine, was well off. His Dad was a senator or something important like that (Naruto told me, but his father is so intimidating that I've been scared to ask again). So they were probably a lot better off, actually.

I had exchanged a lot of letters with him, and he told me a lot about his life and his friends, mainly Sasuke and Sakura. Naruto told me that they said they would try to help me adjust, which I really appreciated. But I guess they went to a different high school, so we wouldn't see much of each other.

Since we were practically switching life's, I volunteered the same information. I told Naruto about my high school, what he could expect, and that if he really loved ramen so much, he should stockpile it, seeing how we don't exactly have the good stuff in America. I told him about my mother and father (more like warned him, actually), and about my brother (even though he wouldn't meet him).

Well, anyway, all of that for a different chapter.

Because, dear reader, my little friend in my head led me towards a large door, which I thought (my speaking was great, but my reading was iffy) was labeled Music Room three. I scratched the back of my head, messing up my already messy bun.

Was it weird? That I chased the image I saw of a family across the world, just so I could meet them? That I signed myself up for a year of schooling in a foreign country to get to know these strangers? I frowned, gripping the door handle. What if my intuition was wrong? I mean, it hadn't ever been wrong before, but nothing like this had ever happened either.

Just because I knew things didn't mean I acted on them. There were certain rules I had laid down for myself when I realized that something was wrong with my melon. For example, not letting anybody know that I knew anything. That was the first rule, and the most important. Because, like any special heroine, I was worried about being locked up in a lab and being experimented on. The second rule was to not get involved. With my earlier example, with the man having an affair and in debt – I couldn't do anything about it. Not my problem.

And sometimes, that rule was the hardest to follow. When the elderly man lost his last son to cancer, it's hard not to offer your condolences. Because how would a teenage girl know about something you only thought about when you were alone and in the dark?

I pushed the thoughts away, focusing on the ornate gold handles that seemed to mock my inner struggle. I growled at it. _You try being a mentally challenged individual and see how _you _like it._ With a sigh I pushed down on the handle, blinking when it clicked ominously. Blinking dramatically (after all, a years worth of work went into making this moment real), I shoved it open, and gazed out with expectant eyes.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," I moaned.

The room was empty. How anticlimactic was that?


	2. Chapter II

**Chapter II – Nobody Told **_**Me**_** it Was Ugly Sweater Day!**

Hello Dears! Thanks for the follows and favorites and reviews c: I really appreciate it! It motivates me to write more.

This (along with my other story I am currently working on, _anchor_,) is my main priority. If you are interested in a character similar to Audrey, go check it out!

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_Oh my god, that chick is in my class!_

_Damn, she looks like shit._

And that was my thought for the majority of my class. Oh! And I remembered! It's Class A, otherwise known as the 'Elite' or Honor Role class. I must have been a special case, 'cause this was the class for the _filthy_ rich people. Like… they could fill a pool up with hundred dollar bills and go swimming in it. Well, more like 10 pools, but whatever. Depending on the pool size though, the amount of pools could change…

Anyway, the girl was sitting right in front of me! The one who kissed that one dude! She wasn't wearing a uniform either, strangely enough, and the clothes she _was_ wearing were used. Having worked part time at a Good Will back home, I considered myself a connoisseur of used things. Insert image of me twirling my long, luscious mustache while I chuckle quietly. Really though, I barely recognized her from the clean looking, well-dressed individual having a make out session in my head.

So, while the teachers came and went through the classroom (unlike schools in America, the teachers rotated through the classrooms instead of the students, which I thought was pretty cool), I studied the old, ugly sweater the girl was wearing and doodled on a piece of paper.

To go on a tangent, I know exactly what you are thinking. 'She did all that work and she doesn't even pay attention in class? What a schmug!' Really, a lot of the stuff they talked about was super interesting! But, to be honest, we all know that I didn't come here for the schools academics. I came here to investigate and influence the images I saw in my head.

Okay, that sounded really bad. Honest, the academics really do matter to me. But… like I said last chapter, I'm being led around by a little voice in my head. This girl is one of the things that just so happened to be occupying that space upstairs.

So excuse me if I feel the urge to stare at a girl _I wasn't even sure existed._

But you know what the best part was? She was the first girl that I ever truly heard nice things from. Since I developed my sixth sense (gosh, calling it that makes it sound so fucking cool) all I've ever heard from people were bad things. Obviously I've heard good things – I like to think my radar isn't negative specific.

I guess the best way to explain it would be that it was refreshing. Her intentions… were pure, her thoughts clean. It was similar to a breath of fresh air.

And she was really fucking honest.

To sound like the creeper I truly am deep down inside, I wanted to touch her and see if I could… well, see anything. I was also curious to see if it showed up in my head in Japanese or English. The intentions were more feelings and a sudden knowledge, but I got entirely different readings when I touched someone.

I had a brief moment of consideration that I shouldn't go messing around with people's lives.

Like I said, it was a brief moment. I mean, come on! I'm half way across the world from my parents in a school were showing anything above the knee was inappropriate. At the thought, I glance down to my shorts. They were decent, but I had definitely gotten some reprimanding looks.

But you know what, I get to run rampant in Japan without parental supervision. How many people say that they can do that? Exactly. I mean, think about it – insane American who _tries_ to go against the grain in an uptight rich snob school?

God, I could imagine it now. In fact, I'm sure God _is_ imagining it and is smiling upon me and encouraging my creativity. See? If God wants me to go crazy, who am I to say no?

A bell breaks me from my self-induced trance, and there is a uniformed screech as students pushed back their seats and stood up. I blinked in confusion as kids started to jabber to each other in fast paced Japanese, smiling and laughing. I raised an eyebrow with my frown.

Oh, I think it's lunchtime. Maybe.

Either way, I followed the crowd of students, which quickly meshed together with people from other classes. As a uniformed body of blue and yellow (god, that uniform is hideous and should be burned) we all trudged into a _ginormous_ room. Along the walls were men and woman in black and white uniforms. I cocked my head to the side, studying them as I was pushed along with the current.

_Are… are they… servants?_

I blanched. Oh good lord. Did these kids even know how to tie their own shoes without some kind of paid help? I shook my head and closed my eyes. That's really sad. Well, more like pathetic, but I'm trying to be nice here.

Allowing myself to be pushed towards the food line, I dug into my messenger bag for the money Kushina gave to me. Kushina was Naruto's mother, and really fricking nice. She reminded me of what I knew of her son. Both were energetic, honest, and good people. First day of school and she had treated me like a kindergartener. Which, in respect, I kind of was.

"_Here, take this," she said, shoving some bills into my palm. I blinked at her, scratching my collarbone. I had no idea how much it was (too much effort to convert from yen to dollars) but it seemed like a lot. When I looked at her questioningly, she gave me a wink. "Lunch there is expensive."_

_I opened my mouth to reject her offer, but she waved me off. Suddenly, she got all teary eyed and pulled me close for a hug. "Oh, my little Audrey-Chan is going off on her first day of school!" She wiped away a stray tear, and I struggled against her grip._

"_Kushina-san," I said formally. That seemed to get her attention. "I'm going to be late. Please release me."_

_She did, and I sucked in a breath of air. Kushina tsked at me, pouting in a way no grown woman should. "I told you, you can speak English here if it's more comfortable with you. Minato and I speak it just fine." She said it all in my native tongue too, as if to prove her point. "Besides, you sound much too formal. We'll have to work on that."_

_I sighed, but grinned. In English, I said, "Yes, ma'am." I laughed as her pout grew. I turned away, darting out the door with shoes in hand before she could reprimand me. "Bye!" I called behind me, waving._

"Next."

I blinked, feeling slightly dizzy with the sudden time shift. Flashbacks, I have found, are never fun. They were discombobulating at the best of times. Glancing around, I saw that I was now first in line at the food counter thing. I smiled. Glancing up at the menu hanging overhead, I got the first thing that I knew I would enjoy.

"Um… " Ah shit, I was speaking English. "Could I please get a bowl of rice and miso soup?"

The lady, dressed to the T in her uniform, stared. But the weird thing is, it was with this smile on her face. It was the smile that said, 'I'm only here because the pay is a lot and it's better than being a waitress and getting grabbed at.' I know that was the smile because that was what I was getting off of her. Intuition, remember?

"Miss?"

"I apologize," I said, rubbing the back of my neck sheepishly. "What was your question?"

She twitched. Working with a bunch of spoiled brats wasn't her idea of a good time. So said Intuition. "What kind of miso soup would you like?"

It was my turn to stare. "There is more than one kind?" I said blankly. Feeling her annoyance skyrocket, I quickly interjected, "Any kind is fine." I fished out my wallet. "How much is it?"

She rambled off a number and I quickly counted out the bills and change. I had hoped that getting such normal food, it would be a bit cheaper, but honestly I couldn't tell. _Maybe I should start bringing a lunch,_ I thought vacantly. _I could make a cheeseburger._ I might have drooled a little at the thought. Only a few weeks into my stay in Japan and I was already missing a home cooked beef patty.

Feeling the stares of my peers, I glanced out into the mini crowd surrounding me and gave a dazzling smile. It had sparkles and everything. Taking the tray the woman gave me I sauntered away. Oh yeah, I sauntered, and it felt great. There is nothing like _sauntering_ out of a tense situation.

I found a small table and dropped down into the seat, sighing dramatically before chowing down. The classes were 50 minutes each, which, to me, was a bit much. Except for our fifty-minute study hall, which is pretty fantastic. I slurped at my soup. Learning makes you hungry.

Before I knew it, another bell rang and everyone stood to go back to class. I must look like a gang member or something, because nobody sat next to me. In fact, there was almost a depressing distance between me and other students. But then again, if I were one of those girls, I wouldn't want to stand next to me either. I would just make her look bad, especially in that uniform.

I'm so glad I have an excuse not to wear one.

Poor people rock.

Except I'm not poor.

But I am?

Hmm. We have a bit of a dilemma here.

Back in the classroom I slid into my seat, sighing heavily. It was only the first day of school, and already they were filling our heads with information. It didn't help that everything they were saying wasn't my native language. They all spoke so fast! It was like playing Tetris on the highest level with all the wrong blocks and stuck on super speed.

The only class I had even remotely managed to understand was English. They had an American teaching it, hallelujah. Seeing how I _was_ English, I paid even less attention then usual.

I won't bore you with the rest of my classes. Because they were exactly that – boring. Yes, I am just an amazing student. Blah blah blah let us fast forward through the boring stuff to when I started stalking that chick.

Okay, _stalking_ is a very specific term. I was just… following her around the school inconspicuously. Well, as inconspicuous one could get humming the mission impossible theme song while dodging around corners. She was a pretty boring person, honestly. She went to visit her teachers (I think to ask about extra credit or something, who knows) before walking into _every single library on campus_. I was waiting for her to meet up with her boyfriend, who would then take her away to the other people I saw in my head.

That was the reason I was here. Unless…

I peered from my hiding place behind a large pillar as she viciously slammed another library door shut. Grumbling under her breath she stormed off, books clutched to her chest. I followed after, scuffing the carpet with my boots. She headed off towards the stairs of the north (or was it south?) building and –

Oh.

_Oh._

OH!

I darted after her, a grin splitting my face. Cause guess where Haruhi was heading? That's right, folks! Music Room 3! Finally, I swear to baby Jesus that if she checked out one more library I would have started to yodel for self-amusement. And I don't know how to yodel. But it would have been fun to try.

I followed up the stairs after her, giggling insanely. A years worth of work was finally coming to fruition. Maybe I could finally figure out why my brain decided Japan would be a nice place to spend the school year, 'cause it kinda sucks. Well, I have no friends, so that may be why.

Whatever.

SHE'S APPROACHING THE DOOR AHHH!

Cue the dramatic music!

I crouched behind a potted plant, practically wriggling in my seat. This was so exciting! Why was this so exciting? That thought made me frown, but only for a moment, before I began to smile again. Oh, nothing could get me down now! My stalker tendencies have finally come to aid me in some way shape or form.

Haruhi heaved a sigh before tugging on the golden handle that I had touched just that morning. Wow, that sounded creepy. Erase that last sentences, it was never said. Or read. Whatever.

The door creaked open and Haruhi stepped inside, revealing… Wait a se- are those… rose petals?

Oh_, fuck me._

"Welcome!" A chorus of voices said. I vaguely heard Haruhi start to panic (who wouldn't in the face of… how many… twins, blondie, other blondie… black haired dudes… 5 guys? Six?).

I wanted to cry.

It was drama club all over again! I'm proud to say that I am a geek; I speak fluent Wookiee and have read Lord of the Rings at least three times. Freshman year, I was in the Drama club _and_ Show Choir. I'm nerdy. But there is only _so much_ actual drama a girl can withstand! It's horrible, hearing about who hooked up with whom, who's angry with whom for getting the lead role, and who wants to skin whom alive because of whoever got a solo. It's exhausting. Entertaining, I will admit, but exhausting above all else.

I gathered my courage and left the safety of my plant shelter. My boots squeaked just so on the spotless floor, and as I reached the partially open door, I took in a deep breath.

_All right, Audrey,_ I thought. _You can do this. You've survived Drama club in _America. _How bad can it be overseas?_

Please don't answer my mental question.

Blowing my bangs from my face, I peeked around the corner. Thankfully, they must have used up all their rose petals, because I wasn't attacked with the remains of the flower. Haha! Take that you rich bastards.

However, when my gaze came into focus, I saw exactly what I didn't expect. A meeting of strangers.

You know how in anime, the heroines face gets all shocked looking and there's a lightening bolt behind them? That was me. Without the cool anime effects. Because what the hell, I thought they all knew each other!

I hovered behind the door, frowning and annoyed. Was my intuition wrong? It never had been before! Of course, it was right to some aspect, but this girl didn't even know these guys, let alone her supposed boyfriend! And the twins had the same hair color! And why wasn't the adorable little boy wearing a floatie?

Okay, that last statement was a stupid one, ignore that.

Haruhi was looking charmingly panicked as the group of boys stared at her. After a moment or two of staring, the lightbulb switched on. I leaned inconspicuously against the door, grinning at their interaction. I see now. I had arrived _before_ any of the stuff I saw happened! Dang, I feel like a time traveller. Maybe this should be a Doctor Who fic instead of an OHC fic.

"Kaoru, Hikaru, I believe this young man is in the same class as you, isn't he?" Hot damn, Mr. Glasses over there was _fine_. Where is my wolf whistle when I need it?

The twins (oh my god so fucking cute) gave a shrug. "_Yeah, but he's shy. He doesn't act very sociably so we don't know much about him._" Oh my god. They spoke in unison.

They spoke.

In unison.

Cue fan girl screaming.

Mr. Glasses gave a scoff, before he locked eyes with me. I wasn't exactly hiding, per say. All the boys had been so intrigued by the supposedly male presence in the room they didn't exactly notice me awkwardly hovering in the door. Which I was fine with. It gave me a chance to stalk- I mean, observe them in their natural habitat.

I waved, grinning mischievously. His gaze passed over me, ignoring my friendly gesture. My grin vanished. What a dick! Just cause I'm an American! I huffed and crossed my arms. Okay, maybe it wasn't because I was an American, but it's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

"Well, that was rude," he said (ha, that's funny, dickwad), turning back to the very flustered Haruhi. "Welcome to the Ouran Host Club, Mr. Honor Student."

"_What?_" Oh my god, that kid had some big ass eyes. It was her boyfriend speaking, if anyone was curious. "You must be Haruhi Fujioka!"

This, my dear readers, is where I skip ahead once again, because this was boring and nothing good was happening except, 'Oh, you know me!' and 'Yes, I do! Haruhi!' and 'Oh, you must be gay!' and 'Haru-Chan!' and 'Oh my god you broke a vase'- wait what?

I peered around the corner, eyes wide as Haruhi leaned over one of the little stands that had previously been holding a pretty blue vase thingy. And I say previously because it was now in a bazillion pieces all over the floor. My jaw dropped.

_Oh, she's screwed seven ways to Sunday._

"_Aw,_" The twins chorused, peering at the wreckage over her shoulder.

"We were going to feature that renaissance vase in an upcoming school auction!" One sighed.

"Oh, _now_ you've done it commoner! The bidding on that vase was supposed to start at eight million yen!" The other scowled.

Unable to help myself, I let myself in, trotting over and squatting amongst the wreckage. I gave a low whistle. That was a lot of money. I may not know how to convert yen to dollars, but I know something expensive when I see it. And I'm positive there wasn't a single thing in this school that cost less then a hundred dollars except for Haruhi's outfit. And mine, but I like to consider myself separate from the school.

Haruhi must not have noticed me (no one else did; I still maintained my invisible status from my previous high school – and here I thought being an obnoxious foreigner would help me out!) and started counting on her fingers. She turned to the twins. "I'm gonna have to pay you back," she stuttered.

"_With what money?_" The twins laughed. "_You can't even afford a school uniform!_"

How the fuck did they do that? I looked around the corner, observing them. What strange characters. One of the twins (I think it was Kaoru, I'm not sure) was asking about her outfit when I was struck.

Not literally. That would have been awkward. No, I was struck with my spidey senses. And it only solidified what I already knew.

This was how it all started. This was how their family came to be. All because of a broken vase and an owed debt. I ignored the blonde leader as he pointed dramatically and proclaimed Haruhi their slave. Because I was planning and scheming and oh dear did I just break that?

The second resounding crash echoed through the room, and I felt seven pairs of eyes land on my figure. I looked at them from the wreckage of the second vase in the room and smiled sheepishly.

"Whoops?"

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Yay all done!

Hope ya'll enjoyed. This chapter was a bitch to write. I've finally decided that I'm going to mix together the anime and manga, seeing how I like certain parts better in either one.

**PurpleMousefurGomez;** Thanks c: Here you are! Hope you like it.

**Guest/L-San;** Aww thank you ;~; that just made my day. I hope that Audrey's sarcasm and self-deprecating personality continue to entertain you.


	3. Chapter III

**Chapter III – Hello, Host Club, I'm Audrey.**

I feel like my summary may have insulted some readers. Hmm.

Oh well.

* * *

I hummed as I dragged the broom across the tile floor, feeling positively giddy. The glass clinked as it bounced against its siblings and into the dustpan. I'm not normally one for being destructive, but breaking that vase was probably one of the smartest things I had ever done!

Okay, not the smartest thing, but close enough. It got me what I wanted, didn't it? As I cleaned up the mess Haruhi and I made, the boys were doing what they do best- hosting. It was really kind of sad to watch girls swoon and blush at the crap the boys spewed.

Sorry, your probably confused at that little time skip. Ah, okay, lets rewind a bit here. Sigh, I _hate_ flashbacks!

"_Whoops?" I said sheepishly, grinning like a fool. There was something oddly therapeutic about breaking things. I should do it more often. The room was dead silent as the Host Club took me in._

"Why did you do that?_" Asked the twins in unison. They should stop doing that. It makes me giggle. Seriously, two people talking in unison is probably one of the coolest things ever._

"_I have Tourette's," I said seriously. "It's a condition. My body…" Here I sniffled. "I just… I just can't control it sometimes!" I put my face in my hands and gave a sob. A small pair of arms suddenly wrapped around my waist, and I looked down to see the blond haired munchkin staring up at me with watery brown eyes._

_Oh. My. God. I'm going to have a heart attack._

"_Oh noo! It's okay! Don't cry! It was an accident, right?" He looked out to his peers, lower lip wobbling. I followed his lead, my lip trembling as I stared with damp eyes. It wasn't hard to make myself cry, to be honest. I _was_ in Drama club. So, with a little effort, a tear trailed down my face._

_Haruhi looked about ready to spit acid and her boyfriend had started to cry. "What a sad story!" He cried out, dramatically wiping away his tears. He approached and knelt down before me, ignoring the shattered glass and grabbed my hand. "Oh, my princess, for you to live with such difficulties… your whole life… it's… it's… it's tragic! Please, my lady, tell us your name?"_

_Awkward. I edged away from him, taking the monkey clinging to my side along for the ride. "Harp. Audrey Harp." Ah, I loved a James Bond introduction. The boy with Glasses looked me up and down, before glancing in his little black book._

"_Ah, Miss Harp, the foreign exchange student from America. I believe you are in the twins class as well."_

"What?_" The twins said. _

"_There's no way!" One said._

"_We would have noticed her." The other said._

"I mean, look at that outfit!_" Okay, their unison wasn't so cute anymore._

_I frowned, and played with the hem of my shorts. "I like my outfit," I mumbled, pouting. But then I scratched the back of my head, taking what they said into consideration. "Well, I wouldn't know if we were in the same class. I was a bit preoccupied…" 'Cause I did nothing but stare at Haruhi the whole day. But I wasn't about to admit my stalkerish tendencies to the whole world, now was I?_

_However, I really _should_ have noticed. I mean, come on – twins? Who see's twins anymore, besides Mary-Kate and Ashley? Ah, I feel stupid now._

_Mr. Glasses sighed, and pushed said glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Well, accident or not, that vase was also going to be sold at the auction for 6 million yen." Ah! Mine was cheaper! I wanted to stick my tongue out at Haruhi, but at the glare she was giving me, I thought better of it. He turned to his leader. "Tamaki?"_

_The blonde (Tamaki! Yay, I know his name!) sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. Guess how he did it? That's right, dramatically. "Well, I guess we don't have a choice." He pointed a finger at me, expression smug. "We have another pup to add to our pack!"_

_Hmm. No idea what that means. "Can I be a cat instead?"_

_Tamaki blinked at me, confused. "What? Why?"_

_I shrugged and scratched the back of my neck. "Well, Haruhi is already a dog, and if I was a dog, then we would be the same and there would more individuality if I was a cat." I grinned. "As an American, being an individual is very important to me."_

"_Oh! Oh! Can I be a bunny?" The boy next to me chirped. He smiled up at me cutely. "If Audrey-Chan is a cat, I wanna be a bunny!" Oh my god this child was too fucking cute._

_Tamaki gave an excited shout. "Yes! Yes! Everyone should have an animal!" He leapt from his seat (where did that come from?) and began pointing at random members. "Kyoya! You're…" At the mans glare, Tamaki stopped. "Ah, you don't need one. Mori-Senpai! You can be a chick!" The tall, sullen man didn't say a word, blinking slowly. Tamaki pointed to the twins. "Kaoru! Hikaru! You two are foxes!"_

"How individual._"_

"_And I," the teen said dramatically (honestly, I think he only knew how to act one way), "Am a lion!" He blinked, and turned to me. "Ah! That makes us relatives! Come, let me hug you to my bosom-"_

_I sidestepped and watched him fall face first onto the ground. In the glass. Normally I would care, but my attention was drawn to one of the twins._

"_Your name is Hikaru?" I asked, eyes wide. They both turned to me, looking between each other. Finally, the one questioned nodded, expression bored._

"_Yeah, so what?"_

_Unable to help myself, I stared. "Hikaru." I blinked. Oh my god. "Hikaru Hikaru Hikaru Hikaru Hikaru-"_

"_What?!" He shouted, glaring at me. His twin was staring at me with the weirdest look on his face. _

_I giggled. "You're name is so much fun to say. Hikaru. Hikaru. Hi-ka-ru." I started to laugh, unable to help myself. It really is fun to say! It's so fricking adorable I just..._

_Hey, don't judge me. I'm crazy, you knew this already._

_Hikaru (ah! I said it again!) stiffened, glaring at me. "Hey, don't make fun of me!" When I continued to laugh, he turned and stalked off, his twin following behind with one last curious look at me. The kid next to me pulled on my shirt, and I looked down at him, wiping tears from my eyes._

"_Why did you say that to Hika-chan?" I blinked at his sad tone._

_Oh. He thought I was making fun of him. "Ah, I wasn't trying to be mean. The names over here are _way_ different than in America, and it makes me happy saying certain names cause they sound cool." I blinked, putting a finger to my chin. "You know, Takashi is a pretty fun name too. Takashi. Ta-ka-shi. Taka-shi. Takashi!" I started to laugh again, and tried to smother it with my hand._

_The guy looked at me for a moment before smiling. "Ah! Okay! I get it! Audrey-Chan has a funny sounding name too." I grinned at him. "Oh! My name is __Haninozuka Mitsukuni! But everyone calls me Hunny!"_

_Someone shoot me now. His face. It's. So. Cute._

"_That means your first name is Mitsukuni, right?"_

"_Yup!"_

"_Ah," I said, nodding slowly. "Well, if everyone calls you Hunny, then I'll call you Hunny too!" The boy gave a happy laugh, finally releasing me and running to Takashi's side and… climbing up him like a monkey? My jaw dropped as Hunny sat on the taller kids shoulders, swinging his stuffed rabbit by the ears._

"_Hey, Audrey-Chan! Do you wanna have some cake with me?"_

_I opened my mouth to accept (I mean, who could say no to cake? Besides you people that don't like sweets, you are excluded from that question) but Kyoya stepped beside me and interrupted. "Seeing how you are here to work off your debt, I think you should start by cleaning up the mess you made." He gave me a smile._

_It made me want to cry._

And the flashback is over! Yay! It was driving me crazy. Well, anyway, that's where I was, sweeping up broken glass. I picked up the dustpan and carried it over to the trash, dodging fancy ladies as I went. It would have been easier if I had a vacuum, but I doubt that there was one. This _was_ a music room afterall.

Well, here I was. I was now… _involved._ I had, in some way, involved myself in this story and shit was going to go down because that bitch was talking smack about Haruhi.

I turned and glared, intuition painting a beacon on this girls head. She sat, daintily drinking a cup of tea (or coffee, I don't know). She was with Tamaki, smiling smugly at him. My bitch radar began to scream.

_Warning! Warning! Approach with caution – narcissistic tendencies may rub off on you._

"May I have a word with you, Tamaki?" She said, smiling softly. _Fake._ "I've recently heard the Host Club is keeping a little kitten without a pedigree."

"Heh, I don't know if I'd call them that but-" He started, but the girl interrupted.

"Them? As in more than one?"

Tamaki smiled, but before he opened his mouth he saw me and grinned. "Speak of the devil. Thanks for doing the shopping little piglet." I blinked and turned around to see Haruhi behind me carrying a bag of… coffee? "Did you get everything on our list?"

Haruhi walked past me and I followed behind, peering over her shoulder into the grocery bag. Hmm, coffee. I love coffee. I reached over and plucked one out of the back, popping open the top and sniffing it. _Ah, nothing like coffee smell._ However, a certain blond haired moron quickly took it from my grasp.

"What is this?" Tamaki asked, face totally confused.

"Just what it looks like," Haruhi said. "It's coffee."

He frowned. I turned my attention to Mizz Bitch Face. God, she wouldn't even look at us! Oh, if I really were a cat, I would be clawing her eyes out. And as to your unspoken question, no, she hadn't done anything to me personally. But she was going to. And I'm a horrible human being; I can do what I want.

"It's instant?" Two girls asked.

I blinked. You know, I tend to do that a lot. Blink. It's probably really annoying at this point.

"Whoa, I've heard of this before! It's commoner's coffee. You just add hot water!"

"I didn't know there was such a thing!"

"So it's true then! Poor people don't even have enough free time to grind their own coffee beans!"

"_Mm-hm!"_

Suddenly people surrounded me. Literally. Kaoru (if you can't guess how I knew it was him, then you aren't paying attention) leaned over the couch next to me, and a couple of his clients on his other side. Kyoya and Hikaru were hanging over Haruhi's shoulder, everyone looked at that little box of instant coffee.

"Commoners are pretty smart," Kyoya mused.

"100 grams for 300 yen?" Hikaru asked.

"That's a lot less then we normally pay," Kaoru chipped in.

Haruhi bristled, glaring at the ground. "I'll go back and get something else, excuse me for not buying you guys expensive coffee…"

I just laughed and slung an arm around her shoulders. "Don't pay them any mind. Just watch." I held up my fingers and counted down. _Three, two, one, and…_

"No, I'll keep it." I fist pumped. Everyone around me gasped, as though Tamaki had proclaimed that he was going to walk around nude. After a moment of consideration, I decided that I wouldn't really mind. "I'm going to give it a try." Louder gasps. "I will drink this coffee!" A round of applause.

_Seriously? They are applauding him? WHY?_

"Alright, Audrey, Haruhi, come over here and make some of this… _commoners_ coffee!" I gave a happy hum and was about to skip over to help (well, I would be doing it, so I wouldn't exactly be helping) but then _she_ spoke.

"Haha, Tamaki, now you're taking the joke too far. Your palette won't be able to stomach that crap. You don't have to drink it just because he bought it."

I glared at the back of her pretty little head. Who gave her the right? Haruhi stared uncomprehendingly. I don't think she realized that this girl was making fun of her.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said. She turned to look at us, smiling. "I was talking to myself."

Haruhi stared, mouth dropping open as she stared. I took this opportunity to smack the girl in the face. And it was a nice hit! Square on the eye!

The girl gave a shriek and cupped her face, drawing attention on us. Haruhi stared at me in shock, but I was just giving a happy smile. I didn't see any convenient vases I could break, so her face would have to do. "Oh, I'm so sorry!" I cooed, leaning over the couch to pet the back of her head. When she whirled to scold me, eyes aflame, I gave a whimper. "I have Tourette's, I can't control myself sometimes! I'm sure you know how hard it is to live with such a disease. Please forgive me?" I batted my eyes at her, and she gave a sniff.

"Don't ever touch me again! Filthy commoner! I don't care if you have cancer, you have no right!" She snapped. I felt a little piece of my mind turn black. She was gonna get it.

"Haruhi! Audrey!" Tamaki called.

I let my expression fall into a neutral emotion. "Coming," I called. I turned on my heel and stalked to the table holding the snacks and drinks for the club. Haruhi walked by my side, watching me from the corner of her eye. I ignored her. People like that girl really pissed me off if you can't tell.

Either way, I just focused on putting a spoonful of instant coffee into each mug. Haruhi followed soon after me, pouring hot water into the mixture. Steam rose into the air, and suddenly it smelled like coffee and I felt better. Happy face.

"Let the testing begin!" Tamaki exclaimed, arm thrown out to the sides.

"I'm a little scared to drink this stuff," the girl with funny lips said. Twitch.

"I'm afraid if I drink this, my father will yell at me." Twitch twitch.

Tamaki stepped forward and gripped the girl who had last spoken around the waist and dipped her. With a seductive smirk, he cooed, "What if I let you drink it from my mouth?"

She blushed crimson, and I gagged. "Well, then I would drink it." The girls all screamed and swooned, eyes turning heart shaped while their cheeks turned red.

"You know," I said after a moment. "That's a great way to get STD's." Hmm, funny how it fell dead silent right as I said it. I saw Kyoya push up his glasses, but he looked like he was trying not to laugh. Success! First day here and I made Kyoya laugh! Haha! Take that life! I _am_ funny!

Haruhi beside me sighed, ignoring my inappropriate compliment. "This is ridiculous," she grumbled. I just patted her on the back.

"It's gets better," I told her. When she looked at me curiously, I gave a wink. "You'll see." I went about the room and started to gather empty cups and dirty plates. I passed by the twin's table and listened as Hikaru told some sort of story about his brother.

"… Bolted right out of bed and came running to me!" He chuckled.

Kaoru's expression was one of hurt and surprise. "Hikaru!" He cried. Oh my god it sounded so cute when he said it like that. "Don't tell them that story." He curled in on himself, a finger to his lips as his eyes started to water. "I… asked you not to tell anyone that. Why are you so mean to me…?" Ahh he started to cry and he was so cute and I just wanted to hug him.

Hikaru's eyes widened. "I'm sorry Kaoru," he said. He leaned close to his brother, hands cupping his face. They stared soulfully into each other's eyes. "I didn't mean to upset you. But you were so adorable when it happened that I had to tell them." Cue the sparkles and roses. "I'm sorry."

"I forgive you," Kaoru whispered.

The girls began to scream and I plugged one ear with my shoulder. God, why did you grant woman the strength of high-pitched noises? My eardrums were going to burst before the day was out. I leaned over their table and gave the girls a warm smile.

"Excuse me ladies, are you done with your drinks? Could I get you a refill?" I tried to be as cute as possible, tilting my head to the side. The girls blinked at me, their sudden adrenaline rush from seeing the twins 'brotherly love' seeming to vanish.

"Oh, yes. I would like some tea, if you please," one said, looking at me gratefully. The other nodded her head and requested the same. I took their cups and left, heading towards the back room where all the dishes and such were kept.

I swear, I was only gone a moment, but I came back to find Tamaki in a corner and the twins hanging all over Haruhi. "I'm sorry Senpai, but your lesson did strike a small cord with me," she said, scratching the back of her neck. _Lesson?_ I wondered.

"Really?" Tamaki said, jumping up excitedly. "Well, let me teach you more, my friend!" Shit, there are the fucking roses again. I sneezed obnoxiously and rubbed my nose. At the Hosts questioning stare, I smiled.

"Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit."

Kyoya snorted, and Tamaki stared at me in horror while the twins just started to giggle. "Kitty-kun! Don't use such bad words!" Tamaki scolded. I twitched. _Kitty-kun? Oh lord, what have I done?_

"Well, anyway, Boss –" Kaoru started, only to be interrupted.

"Call me king!"

"You can teach him all the basics of hosting," he finished, only for his sibling to pick of the rest of his sentence.

"But he's not going to get very far with the ladies if he doesn't look the part, you know." I danced over, kicking up my heels as I went. I peeked over Kaoru's shoulder (he gave me a curious look as I held onto his jacket but otherwise ignored me), watching as Hikaru took of Haruhi's glasses. "He's not exactly Host club material, but maybe if we took of his glasses it would help."

Suddenly, he froze. Kaoru joined him, and he froze too as they both stared at her face. Haruhi began to wave her hands about, voice annoyed. "Hey, I need those! I use to have contacts but I lost them!" All the Hosts gathered to look at her face.

Considering their expressions, I was perfectly content to just… not look.

Tamaki snapped his fingers. "Hikaru, Kaoru." The twins saluted him, giving a 'yes sir!' and grabbed the poor girl by the arms, dragging her off to who knows where. I waved as they passed me by. "Kyoya, my hair stylist." The manager (was he the manager? Oh well, he was something important) pressed a few buttons on his cell phone. "Mori-Senpai, go the eye doctor and get him some contact lenses!" Mori took off at a jog, exiting the room. I waved at him as he left too.

"What about me, Tama-Chan?" Hunny said, eyes big and brown and adorable.

"Hunny-Senpai," Tamaki said.

"Yes sir!"

"You… go have some cake."

I watched as Hunny teared up before turning with his bunny to go eat alone at a small table. He was mumbling to himself, and I trotted over. "I'll eat cake with you, Hunny," I grinned. The boys face brightened like the sun, and he gave a cheer.

"Yay! Audrey-Chan, what cake would you like? We have chocolate, vanilla, lime, and strawberry! Well, we don't have strawberry cause I have the strawberry, but you can have any of the others!"

This kid was just too cute. "I'll take the chocolate." I patted my stomach. "No real girl can resist chocolate cake. Unless she has an allergy, then she has to resist otherwise she could die." Hunny gasped as he slid a slice of delicious goodness onto a plate for me.

Sitting cross-legged in my chair, I sat and had a nice long conversation with Hunny. A lot of it was childish nonsense, but some of it was about the other Host members. It was nice, really nice, to learn about people from some other source than my intuition. Which… for some reason… hadn't been acting up. I blinked, pushing some bangs behind my ear.

Ah well. It's probably nothing.

* * *

Ah, decided to stop here because I'm tired and what not. Anyway, time for reviews!

Actually, review. Come on guys. That makes me sad.

**L:** Ahhh thank you! C: I appreciate you reviewing cause _no one else is_ –sobs- but either way, I'm glad you like it! I hope that my making fun of people continues to make you laugh ^^

Well, to those that do review, here is a question – do you think Audrey is going to fall in love with anyone? And if so, who? Just a question to ponder ~


	4. Chapter IV

**Chapter IV - Haruhi is Making Me Question My Sexuality**

"… And so, with great determination and a kick to a place that will not be mentioned, I managed to escape my would-be captive and rescue the treasure from his evil grasp." In other words, I got my diary back from my brother. But Hunny didn't need to know that.

He looked at me with big eyes. "Wow! Audrey-Chan is such a hero!"

I smirked, leaning back in my chair, propping my feet up on the table. "Yes, well, what can I say? I'm American." Okay, I did know what to say. Ah, blue mountains and prairies and shit. Land of the free, home of the brave, and makers of the best burgers in the whole world.

Yes. The burgers are important.

"So, Audrey-Chan, why did you come to Ouran Academy?" Dear Lord, this child was cuteness personified.

I put a finger to my lips and gave a hum. "Well, I heard they had really attractive boys over here." I grinned widely. "I wasn't disappointed."

"_Of course she wasn't!_" The familiar chorus of voices came from right behind me, causing me to spasm erratically and fall to my death. Well, I would have, but the twins caught the back of my chair before I could hit the ground. I started to whimper, and then I started to laugh as that horrible floating sensation washed over me.

"Oh my god that was just slightly terrifying," I wheezed, clenching the armrests of the chair tightly. The twin's faces were directly above me, staring with identical expressions of amusement.

"_What, this?_" Together they let me drop another few inches and I gave a scream.

"Don't do that!" I screeched over their laughter.

They both set me upright, chuckling. "_You have the most interesting reactions!_"

Oh.

They wanted interesting, did they?

Oh, I'd give them _interesting._

I slowly rose from my chair, attempting a seductive smirk. Automatically the twins looked at me suspiciously, backing away as I approached.

"Uh-oh, Usa-Chan, Audrey looks _scary,_" Hunny whispered behind me. I ignored him. Locking my fingers behind my back I swayed my hips and sashayed towards Hikaru and Kaoru, tilting my head down and to the side, looking up at them through my lashes.

"Um, Audrey…"

"What are you doing?"

I stepped up to Hikaru and grabbed his tie, jerking him close to me. "Oh, nothing…" I said with a soft smile. "Just… giving you an interesting reaction, that's all…" I pulled him even closer, enjoying the look in his golden eyes as he started to panic.

But then he smirked. Oh, _game on._

One of his arms snaked around my waist, tugging me so that my hips were pressed against his. His free hand captured my own and he dipped me. His face went to the crook of my neck, his soft hair brushing my cheek. His brother was suddenly behind me, my back against his chest. His lips brushed against my ear, the warmth of his breath making the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

Oh.

_Oh my._

But I wouldn't loose in this game. If they wanted a slutty, seductive American, then by god they would get one. I lifted my free hand and cupped Kaoru's cheek, pressing our faces together. I lifted one leg to wrap around Hikaru's waist, and for a good minute the three of us stared at each other. Well, they stared at me, and I went back and forth between the two of them.

It started as a crack. Hikaru's lip started to tremble, an obvious battle to keep his cool visible under the surface. My own face started to morph like I was sucking on a lemon. Kaoru looked like he wasn't breathing. Then, collectively, we all started to laugh, breaking our compromising position. I fell to the floor, holding my stomach, writhing in the throes of hysteria. They soon joined me, and together we laughed and laughed and laughed.

"Did you see that?"

"Oh, how undignified!"

"I don't know, it was kind of…"

"Yeah, I know…"

"Do you think they're together?"

"No way, the twins are meant for each other!"

"But look at that chemistry!"

Despite the sudden whispers of the customers, we continued to giggle like kindergarteners after someone peed in their chair. Actually, that happened once. And it just so happened to be in the chair I lent to him. That fucker.

Kaoru wiped a tear from his eye and sat up, looking at me with a strange stare. "Dang, we haven't-"

"Had that much fun-"

"In a while!

I gave a snort and stood, dusting off imaginary dust from my butt. "Yeah, tell me about it. Your guys' face!" And it was true. That was just so amazingly awkward and fantastic and _look how close I got to two really good looking boys boo yeah motherfucker._

Out of nowhere Hunny was attached to my leg giving Hikaru and Kaoru a disapproving stare. But quick as a wink he was looking up at me with adoring eyes. "Hey, Audrey-Chan, lets go see Haruhi! The hairdresser is all done!" He took my arm and pulled me back towards the changing, leaving me to grin at the twins and shrug.

Though I didn't see it, the smiles on the twin's faces melted off as I departed. Both sitting on the floor, they turned to look at their mirror image, expressions identically blank. But like I said, I didn't see it. Or else I may have been able to connect the dots.

* * *

"Haruhi, hurry yo white ass up, I am tired and feel like poking my eyes out because they are all boys and ugh." I crossed my arms, my earlier giggle fit over. Every single male in the club had forced their way in and I was stuck in between them all, looking up at the ceiling exasperated.

"Um, Senpai?" Her voice was hesitant behind the curtain, and I could see her shadow on the floor as she fidgeted about.

"Aren't you done changing yet?" Tamaki sighed, hands on his hips. Hunny from behind us moaned from cake overdose.

I elbowed Hikaru hard in the stomach. "Move over!" I grumbled. He shoved me back, and before I could bitch slap that mother in the face, Hikaru slid open the curtain, and…

_Holy shit she's hot._

"Are you sure it's okay for me to keep this uniform?"

After a moment I gave a happy squeal and launched myself at her. "Oh my god, Haruhi! You're so hot!" She gave me a panicked sort of look, but let me hug her. Oh my gosh this is just so great. She looked exactly like she did in my head!

"Cute! You're as pretty as a girl!" Tamaki squealed, attempting to join me in my hugging session. I kicked him in the shin.

"No," I said sternly. I nuzzled Haruhi's chest, ignoring her stutters. "My Haruhi."

"Haruhi is so cute!" Hunny sang.

"If we had known that was how you _really_ looked-"

"We would have helped you out sooner."

Kyoya pushed up his glasses like the hottie he was. "Who knows? Maybe he'll draw in some customers."

Tamaki, recovering from my shin kick, stuck up a finger and grinned mischievously. "You know, that is exactly what I was thinking! Our errand boy is moving up the ranks!"

"There are ranks?" I interjected stupidly.

"Starting today you are now an official member of the Host Club!" Ah, ignored again. As Tamaki went on and on about training and hostlyness I detached myself from Haruhi and skipped to the large closet that held some of their costumes. I swung open the doors and gave a gasp.

Imagine if Jesus had a closet. This would be his closet.

It was _huge!_ And completely full! There were Arabian costumes, circus costumes, and cowboy costumes, you name it and it was there! I grabbed a fluffy pink feather boa and wrapped it around my neck before sauntering out. Hmm, I love boas. The real snakes were preferred, of course, but there was nothing like a bright-feathered _thing_ to make an outfit interesting.

"Well, I think that concludes our meeting for today. Haruhi, you start tomorrow," Kyoya said, flipping his little black book shut. I blinked as everyone started to gather their things, talking about nonsense and what not.

And for some reason I just felt… really sad. Just depressed. I reluctantly returned the feathered boa to the closet and shut it all up, scratching my neck as I did. And then, like the others before me, I went to gather my messenger bag. But, as I reached over to pick it up from where it had been resting against the wall, I noticed something.

Even _before_ Haruhi had shown up, they hadn't all been connected like I thought. The Haruhi of now didn't even know them – and they didn't know her. They truly were a gathering of strangers for mutual purpose. Tilting my head to the side, I watched the twins saunter out the door with a wave behind them, cell phones out and open. Tamaki was pestering Kyoya, who pretended to listen attentively. Haruhi had run as soon as she could, and Takashi and Hunny-

"Audrey-Chan! Do you want to walk home with Takashi and I?" A warm hand gripped mine and I smiled at Hunny.

I took my hair out of its bun, running my hands through the tangles. "Um, I don't think we live in the same direction." I paused. "Do we?"

Hunny giggled and pulled me towards the exit. "I asked Kyoya! You live at the Uzumaki place, right? We live just a few doors down! Well, I do, but Takashi lives a bit farther away. So you're on the way! We can go to and from school together! Isn't that fun? Haha!" He started to ramble at me, and I just… stared. Because I wasn't use to this. People wanted to walk with me? People wanting to _talk_ to me? That wasn't the role I played in the drama that was my life. I was a side character, the humorous relief from the tension of everything.

Because no matter what I may say, it's hard not having any connections to people.

A poke to the forehead brought me out of my daze, and I looked up up up into Takashi's eyes. He stared at me for a moment before he slid my bag off my shoulder and started to walk.

I shook my head. "W-wait! Wait for me!" I cried, chasing after them. Pulling a Hunny, I leapt on the giants back, who didn't even stumble. He paused for a moment to adjust to my weight and carry our bags accordingly, but then he put his hands under my knees and started to walk.

"Wow, Audrey-Chan! You look so tall up there!"

I nodded, grinning widely. "The weather is fantastic." Oh yes, I went there.

And so ends day one of my adventures at Ouran Academy.

Audrey Harp, out.

* * *

Ahhh this is kinda late (and short sobs), sorry guys. School is a bitch and what is time. Either way, your guys... you few who review make my world go round. I could kiss you! Actually, no, that would be awkward. So... THE HOST CLUB SHALL KISS YOU smooch smooch.

**Chapter Question:** Actually, same question as last time! If Audrey does fall in ~love, who do you think she will (or you want her to) end up with? Hikaru seems to be pretty popular with all ya'll, even though he feels completely insulted by her lol. Also, any preference on what episodes/chapters/scenes I should do in my story? I'm really just kinda... having fun with this haha

**Review Responses~**

Shadow Fox 2013; Its okay. I forgive you, and I love you c: AND HERE YOU GO HOPE ITS OKAY

xxrxuxsxtxyx; Yes, they are both sassafrasses. They demand respect. RESPECT. Hmm, if that is what you think, I hope this chapter satisfied the fangirl inside of you :3

L; Ah, my favorite reviewer (hint hint guys- COME ON STEP IT UP)! Yes, that really bugs me. Hence the summary. YUKI HAS A DARK PAST OH EM GEE. Thats why I made this story - and I only really make/post stories when I feel like there is something unique about my idea. I'm trying to actually write it as someone from America might act and how others would react to her, while at the same time having crazy insanity fun. And yes, that romance idea... is great :o I really like that! I'll consider it :33 Either way, since you mentioned Mori, I hope that you enjoyed the last bit of that there XD It was just for you!

TheNekoPrincessofDarkness; Ahh! Well, if there is anything you think you/Audrey would do in a situation, let me know! I would be interested in hearing about it! And I think its really cool you have an ability like that c: As for her falling for Kaoru, I will admit, that was my first idea when I started this story (you might be able to tell through the little reactions if you reread a bit) but now I'm not sure. It depends on where everything goes!

Kitsune232; haha thank you! I try and be funny, which I am not in real life. But I kinda am? I just... yeah haha. Me and Audrey have a really similar sense of humor. And Oh, I didn't even think of Kyoya! Okay, that is a lie, I did. She made him laugh. Cause I mean... just look at her! She's a freakin' weirdy.

White Aura Dragon; Aww I got all the gushy feelings inside -insert heart face here seeing how it doesn't ever show up on the website- Here you go! I hope its okay c: Real drama starts ~tomorrow when Haruhi skips the club and shit happens and BAM things happen and yeah

So, my beautiful reviewers, continue to review and make me happy. You seriously brighten up my shitty life with your gushing over Audrey's naughty humor and which boy she should be with. It really inspires me! And I pinky swear that I will start to update faster/won't take this long. If I do, you have permission to bug me (in as nice a way as possible). I also promise that if there will be a lengthy absence, you will be forewarned!

Ciao!


	5. Chapter V

**Chapter V - What's a Darshan?**

Just... don't question the strangeness of this chapter. It is essentially a filler. It didn't start that way...? But now it is that way...? Anyway. Enjoy ~

* * *

Day two of operation 'Fuck Shit Up' and I had no idea what to wear. The second outfit was even more important than the first. I couldn't wear the same thing as yesterday, obviously- my stepmother would have me gutted and my intestines used as my own noose. I frowned at my closet, mixing and matching in my head. I could wear that shirt, with those pants, or that other shirt with these pants…

Ugh.

Ugh ugh.

I finally settled on a bloody red floor length lace skirt (how is that for a mouthful?) for my bottoms and was rifling through my tops when a tickle started up just behind my forehead. "Yes?" I chirped, taking out a white, off the shoulder shirt.

Kushina stuck her head through the door, her red hair a stark contrast against the white of my wall. "How'd you know it was me?" She demanded, her face scrunched up in confusion.

Shrugging, I took the shirt off the hanger and held it against my body, twisting this way and that. "Intuition," I quipped. Nah, this one was too plain.

Kushina made a face at me. "Well, it's creepy. Anyway, there are some _boys_ here,' she said suggestively.

I frowned, replacing the white shirt with a black, torn up one. Ah, this would work nicely. "Did you ask for their names?" I returned, taking off my pajama top and quickly slipping on a bra. Once the boobs were nice and contained I slipped into my rag of a shirt, grinning to myself. "God, this'll give people a _heart attack_," I chuckled. It was a long sleeve with rips up the length of the arms and the back of the shirt, exposing a lot of skin. I mean, it was back skin, but it was skin nonetheless. On the front was the familiar shape of a dire wolf and the words, 'winter is coming.' Yes, I am a Game of Thrones freak – deal with it.

My host mother shrugged. "Nope. They're waiting for you outside!" She left, only to return a second later. "And I made breakfast for you, but you can take it to go." Then she left for real. I sighed and slipped on some gladiator sandals. Then I stood, grabbed my messenger bag and with a dramatic hair flip left my room.

Minato, Naruto's father, sat at the kitchen table with the newspaper. Kushina was filling a plate with heaps of eggs and bacon. "Hello," I sang, letting my bag drop to the floor by the counter. I danced around the kitchen, grabbing my necessary snacks and things. Kushina plopped the plate full of food into my hands and started to shuffle me towards the door.

"What are you doing?! There are cute boys outside! Hurry up!" She picked up my bag as she hustled me out the door, despite my protests.

"Minato, save meeee!" I cried. He took a bite out of his piece of toast, giving me a wink.

"Have fun at school, don't be too rebellious," he intoned. Then it was back to his newspaper. _Traitor._

Kushina continued to push me, my feet skidding on the tile floor. "Hurry up, hurry up! You're going to be late!"

"No I won't!" I wailed. "Lemme go!"

"I want to meet these cute boys!"

"You already did!"

"But not as your mother!"

"Why does that make a difference?"

"I don't know, it just does!"

And then we were at the door and Kushina whipped it open with a flourish, a motherly smile on her face. I blinked stupidly at the sight in front of me. Hunny and Takashi stood outside my door, one looking exceedingly bored and the other on a bit of a sugar rush. I think you can guess who was who.

The blonde grinned at my appearance. "Audrey-Chan!" He leapt at me and hugged my waist, burying his face into my stomach. I laughed and hugged him back, his happiness a contagion. He pulled away. "We came to walk you to school again today! Right, Takashi?"

The giant in question just blinked, only the slightest hint of a smile on his face. To make up for his lack of an expression, I beamed at the two of them. "Aw, really? You're so sweet!" _Oh my god what do I do two really attractive guys are walking me to and from school what the hell this has never happened before what do I say what do I do what if it's a joke oh my god that would totally happen to me I don't know what's happening-_

Kushina gave me one last shove. I tripped over my own feet and gave her a glower, but the red head just smiled. "Hello, I'm Kushina Uzumaki, Audrey's host mother. And you are?" _Wow, way to be subtle, Kushina._

Hunny leapt to attention, host-mode on. "I'm Mitsukuni Haninozuka! It's very nice to meet you!" He gave a bow. "And this is Takashi Morinozuka! We go to class with Audrey-Chan!" Hunny's megawatt smile turned millionwatt. "You look very pretty, Kushina-San!" I slapped my forehead with my free hand as Kushina blushed.

"Oh, I-"

"Alright, time to go!" I shuffled out the door, breakfast balancing precariously on my palm. Shouldering my bag I shoved at Hunny and Mori (well, I attempted to shove Mori- he's like a fricking brick wall!) while simultaneously waving goodbye to my hostess. "Bye Kushina! Don't burn the house down while I'm gone! And if you do, make sure someone I hate is inside it!"

And then I ran. I vaguely heard Kushina yelling something after me, but honest to God I just wanted to get to school. It was like having your boyfriend meet your parents, but worse because there were two boys who weren't my boyfriend and my substitute parents in a foreign country. I'm not quite sure how that is worse, but it is.

"Audrey-Chan! Wait up!" I don't know why he said that, seeing how he and Mori managed to keep up to my hobbled pace just fine.

I started shoveling eggs into my mouth. "Yush?" I must have been pretty entertaining, seeing how Hunny just stared. Mori, once again, stole my bag off my shoulder and put it on his own. I gave him a grin full of eggs and bacon. "Shanks!"

And that is pretty much what our walk was like. Me eating, Hunny staring, and Takashi just being… well, Takashi. And the occasional conversation, such as:

"You sure eat a lot, Audrey-Chan."

"You calling me fat?"

"No! No! No! I-"

"Calm down, I was joking."

"Hn."

"See, Mori gets it."

And then, after about 45 minutes of awkward walking, we arrived at school and went our separate ways.

My class was decently sized, and relatively empty at the moment considering my early status. Maybe two kids? Three? I ignored them and went to my seat, plopping my bag beside me before leaning back in my chair and kicking up my feet. I dragged out my iPod and started to unwrap my headphones, swinging them around as I did so. _Hmm, what do listen to today,_ I thought dreamily.

Plugging the circular speakers into my ears, I scrolled through my artists. Florence + The Machine? Nah… Maroon 5? Nope, not feeling it. Twenty One Pilots? _Fuck yes._

Click.

_I want to drive away_

_In the night, headlights call my name_

_I, I'll never be_

_Be what you see inside_

_You say I'm not alone_

_But I am petrified_

_You say that you are close_

_Is close the closest star?_

_You just feel twice as far_

_You just feel twice as far_

I sang along softly as I switched to games, picking Klondike as my poison of choice. I sucked at the game, but there wasn't much better to do, was there? I could always read, but then I would have to go through the effort of finding a book in English that caught my fancy, and that would just be obnoxious. If you haven't noticed, I abhor obnoxious things. Except myself, because I love me. Who wouldn't? I'm just that fucking awe-

"You're in my seat," said an amused voice. I looked up, making sure to widen my eyes a bit to seem more innocent. Kyoya stood above me, his bag under his arm and looking… not amused.

I glanced around myself, noting all the faces that were even more unfamiliar then the faces in my correct class. "Ah. So it would seem." Blinking, I took note of myself – looking like a punk, jamming to kinda-sorta rap, and my feet up on someone else's desk. I looked back to Kyoya. "My bad. I'll just be…" Here I stood, walking away as slowly and awkwardly as possible.

He watched me depart, and as I almost tripped (I was walking backwards – you don't turn your back to someone as scary as _him_) his emotionless expression cracked slightly as he gave me a tiny smile. I took this chance to hightail it outta there.

… Only to return moments later. I grabbed my messenger bag and walked the walk of shame back out the door, resisting the urge to throw something heavy at the kid's head as he chuckled. _Little shit. Ain't he cool and smart, walking into the correct classroom. Well, you know what... actually, I don't know what. Never mind._

Ah, here we are, correct classroom. I sauntered in, ignoring the stairs of the students collected. I also ignored the whispers. This time I sat in the correct seat. Well, I tried to.

"_Audrey!_" the twins cried, Kaoru wrapping an arm around my waist and Hikaru wrapping an arm around my shoulders. I blinked at the sudden intrusion of my personal bubble, still planning my assassination of a certain Kyoya Ootori.

"Yes Kaoru, Hikaru?" I deadpanned.

"Well," Hikaru started.

"We were just thinking-" Kaoru said.

"That since we're in the same club and all," Hikaru interjected.

"We should sit together!" Kaoru finished.

"_Okay?_"

"Ah, fuck a monkey, you know what?" I said, ignoring their dazed expressions at my colorful language. I know, I'm just a fucking Crayola box. "I already got a seat. Right-" (and here, I sat down stubbornly with my arms crossed) "Here."

From beneath me came a stuttered, "Uh, Audrey, do you think that you could-"

"Not now, Haruhi, I'm in the middle of a conversation. Anyway, as I was saying…"

"I can't breathe!"

I frowned and looked down at her. "And why can't you breathe?"

"You're sitting on me!" She said, exasperated.

I glanced down to see that I was, indeed, sitting on her. "Oh. So I am. Damn, I'm having some bad luck with my seat choices today," I mused. There was a long pause as Haruhi and the twins stared at me. After a long, uncomfortable silence, I snapped, "What?"

Three pairs of eyes blinked at me. "_Aren't you going to move?_" Damn, even Haruhi joined in on that one.

I gave a huff, closing my eyes as I set my lips into a stubborn line. "Why should I? It's comfy."

There was sigh and then arms gripping me and pulling me forward. I gave a shriek and looked up to find myself staring into golden eyes. And in a flash, images rushed forward unbidden in my mind, causing me to tense up.

'_What are you doing?'_

'_I'm so tired.'_

'_Hey, let's go play kick the can!'_

'_I don't want to share you with anyone else!'_

'_Aren't I enough?'_

Kaoru frowned at me, his face inches from my own. If I leaned up just a bit, his hair would be brushing against my face. "Audrey, you okay?"

I blinked at him, slowly coming to. "… What are you doing?"

His face morphed into something mischievous. "Well, didn't you want a comfy seat? Am I not good enough?" He teased.

'_Aren't I enough?'_

God help me, I blushed from my toes to the roots of my hair. I rolled off of him and onto the floor, making my escape beneath the desk. I heard Hikaru's cry of surprise and his teasing of his brother for letting me escape, but _oh my god whaaaaaaaat_. I wanted to be involved, but not _that_ involved! I ran from the room, hands out in front of me like some character from Scooby-Doo. No no no no no! No relationships for me! Nope! Bye Kaoru! Bye Hikaru! Bye Japan!

I ran into an unknown room and slammed the door behind me, breathing heavily. Slowly, I slid down the frame, gasping. Yeah, I could play the seduction game, and I could play it well. But _fuck me_ as soon as the voice in my head starts leading me down _that_ road, I was outta there faster than you could make a cookie in an easy bake oven.

But then, I heard a familiar tune drifting through the ajoined room. I stared at the cracked door, thinking that this was just too cliché. Panicked girl goes into a strange room and finds a person playing a musical instrument that just draws said girl in? After a moment of deliberation I stood, deciding that I should investigate. If it was an attractive guy, then it was just my luck!

I tiptoed to the door and peered in, only to cover my mouth to hide my gasp. Sitting at a giant harp was a boy. Soft black curls framed his face, which held eyes like the sea. He wasn't Japanese, that much I knew. Tan hands plucked at the harp strings, sending out a tune that struck me as familiar. _That… it's that lullaby from Beowulf! Damn, that automatically makes him cool if he knows that song._ Deciding just to be a bit more cliché, I stepped into the room and waited for the right note before I started to sing –

"Lips, ripe as the berries in June  
Red the rose, red the rose,"

Here he stopped, staring at me in shock. I kept going, gesturing with a smirk and a hand for him to keep playing.

"Skin, pale as the light of the moon  
Gently as she goes…"

I frowned when he didn't, putting my hands on my hips. "Boy, you better finish this song with me or so help me god I will toss you out of a window." This seemed to motivate him as his fingers returned the strings. However, instead of a frightened look like I was expecting, he was smirking, watching me curiously.

"Eyes, blue as the sea and the sky  
Water flows, water flows  
Heart running like fire in the night  
Gently as she goes…"

Together we stopped, staring at each other in a gaze that was half suspicious and half amused. He was really tan. I think he was Indian. But I don't think that they have bright cerulean eyes… Then, together, by some unseen signal, we spoke at the same time.

"_Beowulf?"_

I gave a squeal. "Oh my god, you've seen it too?!" I said it in English, hoping that I could hear his accent better. Sure enough he responded with Indian sounding enthusiasm.

"Yes! The animated one, directed by Robert Zemeckis?" He asked, eyes bright.

"2007?" I asked in return.

"_Yes!"_ We sang together, giddy as schoolgirls. Well, if we get technical, I _was_ a schoolgirl, but… yeah. Never mind. "I'm Audrey. What's your name?" I held out a hand for him to shake.

After much hesitation, he took my hand in his own, smiling. "Darshan. Nice to meet you."

_Damn. He's hot._

I leaned back and forth on my feet. "Soooo… do you like music?"

He grinned at me and gestured around the room. "Yeah. I love it." He looked at the floor for a minute and mumbled something. I frowned, leaning forward.

"What was that?"

"I said, you sing beautifully." He refused to look at me. Oh my god, that's so fucking cute! Ahh someone stab me with a spork. Japan needs to send some of these boys back home.

I waved him off. "Well, as beautifully as someone who's a thespian," I laughed. "So, Darshan, what are you doing here? School's gonna start soon, you know."

He laughed with me and shrugged, his hand running along the smooth wood of the harp lovingly. "Yes, well, I just wanted to get some practice in before school began. They don't have a club or anything, but they let me-"

I stopped him with a shriek. "What?!" I closed the distance between us, shaking him by the collars of his coat. "What are you talking about?! They don't have a music club? They must have! They should! Why don't they! Why, I outta-"

_Light. Bulb._

"Oh…" I said, suddenly feeling a bit like a certain Sherlock we all know and love. "_Oh._" I grinned at the boy in my grasp, who seemed to be slightly terrified. "Darshan, my dear, dear friend. Would you be interested in starting a club with me?"

* * *

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA well yes. This is a chapter. And I feel like it sucks.

Oh well, the next one will be better, I promise ;~; please don't stop reading I'll start to cry oh my god please keep reading I swear it gets better I cross my heart and hope to die sob sob

Anyway, I added a new character in. He isn't a romantic interest, I'll tell you that right now. In fact, something about that will be revealed in the future... wink wink. Anyway, when you hear his name, imagine Soma from Kuroshitsuji. They look the same except for the eyes and hair. They, of course, will act different, but... yeah. ANYWAY

**Question for the Chapter: What do you imagine Audrey looks like? **I can't remember if I ever described her... well, I think I did. I'm pretty sure I did. But I know that a lot of the time I imagine main OC characters looking completely different then how the author described him. So I'm curious as to how you guys imagine her c:

**Review Responses:**

**Shadow Fox 2013;** Forgiveness everywhere ~ And thank you so much! I hope you continue to brighten my life and review this chapter despite its ultimate crappiness ;~;

**Guest/L-San/Whomever you are;** You are a beautiful human being. Seriously, I got an email at school because you reviewed and I read your review and I just started to freak out because it was LONG and it was GREAT and your input just makes my heart feel all squishy because I'm happy you care c: Yes, my humor is a subtley not subtle humor. And usually filthy.

And hikaru/Kaoru is your favorite? Really? ... I just fell in love with you. Will you marry me? BUT YES I know exactly what you mean! I've found that A) most OC stories with the twins suck (no offense to you writers out there) B) if it is OC/Kaoru, then Hikaru is a bad guy and vice versa and C) its just... I find myself crying because I just keep thinking that that isn't how the twins would act! Considering other reviews, I'm actually really tempted to try a Kaoru/OC/Hikaru fic, but... I don't know :/ it depends I guess.

And as for 'step it up' I was referring to the other reviewers XD Essentially saying that if they want to be the favorite reviewer, then they should review more! And your joking 0_0 English isn't your first language?! WHAT IS? I HAD NO IDEA OH MY GOD

**xxrxuxsxtxy;** I embrace your inner fangirl to my bossom and say that I love you c: yes, Audrey loves to please! I hope that you enjoyed this chapter as well, despite its suckiness ;~;

**kso12;** Ahh that makes me so happy! I think that is a FF authors worst fear - that they aren't protraying the main characters correctly or keeping them in character. Which is kinda hard when shoving such an erratic character in here. I think Kaoru might be a bit OOC in this chapter, if only because I feel it was something that Hikaru would do. But I wanted to give Kaoru a shot, you know? SO YEAH HOPE YOU LIKE c:

**xFosteRx;** AHH I HAVE A SHIPPER OH MY GOD A SHIPPER I DIDNT OH MY GOODNESS THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY SOB. Thank you sooo much! Please keep reviewing!

**TheRejectedAngel;** oh my god. I usually read on my kindle, which I also hate reviewing on. And when I do review, its only on stories that I really, really, _really_ like. So... like... I'm so flattered, you have no idea. I kinda just wanna curl up into the fetal position and scream. Because I get it and oh my sweet baby jesus sob sob. AHH Kyoya/Audrey, Hunny/Audrey, Twins/Audrey, all the ships~ I don't know though, we shall have to see!

Thanks for reviewing guys ;~; you make me cry and scream in happiness each and every time my phone bings with a new email. Please, tell your friends, spread my story! Kinda like the common cold! _infect everyone you know. _Spread safely though!

Love you all

~Calloniel


	6. Chapter VI

**Chapter VI - Wow, Did I Really Just Bet Against the Hitachiin Twins?**

"Your hair shines like the brightest star, my princess…"

"Thanks, I use _L'Oreal._ Pretty nice stuff, strawberry scented."

"You are one of the most beautiful creatures to ever roam this green earth."

I gave him a look. "Puh-_lease_, I _am_ the most beautiful creature to walk the earth."

Tamaki twitched, hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. "Your eyes…" He knelt beside me, taking my hand. "Your eyes make the strongest of men fall to their knees!"

"Really? I thought it was my stunning good looks and quick wit."

"None can compare to the ethereal goddess that you are, my Queen."

"Except Jesus. I heard he was some pretty hot shit," I quipped, examining my nails disinterestedly. Tamaki fumed beside me, steam practically coming out of his ears as he stood. I struggled to contain my laughter as he stomped his foot like a three year old.

He pointed a long finger at me. "You will succumb to my charms eventually! Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday you will!"

I shrugged, a difficult achievement when you're lying on your back. "Maybe when you grow up out of the cheesy pick up lines." I stared longingly at the ceiling. "You… complete… me," I said softly and dramatically, stroking an imaginary face above me. At Tamaki's face I started to choke on laughter, holding my stomach. "Oh my God, your face! That's just beautiful!"

I lifted my book back up to my face, trying to get lost in the adventures of the heroine. Simply put, Tamaki thought that I was just like every other girl here who would bend to his will. Ha! He obviously didn't get the neon flashing sign that said, 'NICE TRY LAWL'. If anything, his cheesy lines made me want to roll on the floor giggling.

Haruhi, who was being such a sport (considering that she was my foot rest) looked at the cover of my novel curiously. "What's that about, Audrey?" She asked.

I blinked. "Oh." Ah, I hated when people asked me what I was reading. "It's… um… its about a girl… who gets sucked into another dimension… and gets stuck with a bunch of hot, rugged rebels who are fighting the government. And she has to help them." Okay, that wasn't what the book was really about, but I'm not going to tell her that it's _50 Shades of Grey_. Yes, there is some shame here. But at least I am brave enough to read it in public!

Somewhere behind me, a certain glasses wearing man gave a loud snort. I ignored him. Cause I don't like giving asshats the satisfaction.

No, I don't hold grudges. He's just an asshat.

Hikaru leaned against the back of the couch I was sprawled across, looking down at me in amusement. I raised an eyebrow at him, holding my book against my chest. Since this morning, the twins had just been _horrible_. Atrocious. Cruel. Obnoxious. And all synonyms to those words. A majority of class (which I didn't try paying attention to at all, once again) was spent with them throwing things at me, flirting, and being general nuisances to the rest of humanity.

I stuck my tongue out at him as he said cockily, "You know, Boss, maybe she just doesn't go for the Princely type."

"And what, incestuous twins are suppose to turn me on?" I rolled my eyes while turning onto my stomach. "I don't think so." That is partially a lie. Who _doesn't_ dream of twins worshipping you in _every_ way? And as a hormonal teenage girl, I'm allowed to have my fantasies. But God forbid I ever tell _them_ that. I flipped my book open again, not seeing the mischievous grin on Hikaru's face as he turned to his twin, whom I was ignoring.

If you can't reason out why I'm not acknowledging Kaoru, then you should go back to common sense school.

Two fingers plucked my book from my hands. I opened my mouth to protest, only to stutter to a stop. "How about a game, then?" Kaoru sang, dangling my book in front of my face. I mentally screamed at the sudden proximity between us. _Blood cells, you go anywhere near my cheeks and I will do something so vicious and evil your children's children will be traumatized!_

"What game?" I said disinterestedly, trying to tug my book away from him. Once again, a bit of a lie. I love games, especially the ones where the losers have to do something embarrassing. Considering my lack of morals, I usually win.

Hikaru lifted a strand of my hair, playing with it absently. "Well, the game is simple. Whoever gets the other to blush first wins."

Ah, shit. "And the stakes?" Pretending you didn't care was key.

"If we win," Kaoru said, "you have to act like a cat for the rest of the club hours." _Typical. Really? Oh my god, I'm about to die from the originality._ "And if you win, we will-"

"Oh, no, no, no," I interrupted, grinning wickedly. "If you get to decide the stakes if you win, then I should get to decide what you do if _I_ win." To my glee, their cocky grins faltered slightly.

"_And what would that be?_"

I put a finger to my lips in thought. What would be something just horrible for twins? Twins who had no friends other then each other? Who depended on their other half for everythin- Oh. _Oh._ Grinning slyly, I said, "How about this. I win, you two can't talk to each other for a whole day."

As expected, their gaze fell farther than a penny dropped off the Eiffel tower. Hikaru looked over to Kaoru, who seemed to be the first to recover. "Alright," he said, leaning closer to me. "Cause you won't win."

_Oh, game on, bitch._

* * *

_Game off! Game off! Game off!_

"Audrey, just put the damn ears on already."

"Yeah, a deal is a deal!"

"You cheated," I wailed, shoving them away from me. They had already succeeded in putting on the tail, which hung limply from the back of my skirt. Hikaru held my hands by the wrists, where he was attempting to put on some mitten paws things, as Kaoru struggled to slip on the headband with the kitty ears.

"_How can we cheat when there aren't any rules?_"

My glower could have melted the sun. "You put powder on my face! That isn't a real blush!"

Kaoru succeeded in placing the headband on my head and patted me between the ears. It was like an adult trying to explain a difficult concept to a child. "We never specified it had to be real," he said slowly, before sharing a smug look with his counterpart.

I no longer felt any attraction to the two of them. At all. They were on my shit list with a certain, black-haired, glasses wearing bitch. I opened my mouth to cuss them out (I'm _not_ a sore loser; they cheated!) but the club doors opened without further ado, allowing our yellow clothed guests to squeal and 'kya!'

"_Welcome to the Host Club!"_ Came the chorus. Hikaru put his finger to my lips, leaning close with a wink. "Remember! You're our cute little kitty cat for the rest of the day!" And with a flourish, the two skipped off into the distance, leaving me to my own devices.

I pouted, arms locked across my chest. This _sucked_. All the hosts plus Haruhi were being assigned guests and leading them to various places in the room, faces full of smiles and seductive cheer. It was disgusting.

_FJdkals;fdsklfja!_ Not only did I _loose_, but now I looked like a… like a… I didn't even know. I probably looked like a cat. _All right, let's think… You can still come out on top with this. Think! How can I turn this to my advantage… what can cats do that nobody else can?_ I will admit, my first thought was that they could step on sensitive areas and nobody would yell at them. But no… I'll save that for later. What else could I do?

After a few moments of deep contemplation, which evolved into devilish plotting, I knew _exactly_ how to spend my club time. If they wanted me to be a kitty cat, then by god I would be the best and most annoying kitty cat they have ever had the pleasure of seeing! Now, for my first victim… I sashayed (ah yes, the wonders of sashaying places; I could write an essay on it) towards my target, struggling to maintain a neutral expression. He was sitting in a chair, quiet and solemn.

"Mrow?" I questioned, wrapping my arms around his neck. Mori blinked at me curiously, but didn't move to shove me off. I sniffed at his hair before rubbing my head against his, purring happily. It was like rolling the r's when you spoke Spanish, but a lot rumblier. His customers stared at me with a strange expression.

"Mori… what is she doing?"

"Why is she dressed like that? That isn't school appropriate!"

"I think she looks cute!"

I gave the last girl a toothy grin, snuggling against my favorite giant. He looked at me with a raised eyebrow, the question unspoken. In response I began to meow anxiously, gesturing with my paw-hands. I tried not to giggle at the girls faces when they stared with something akin to 'oh my god so cute' and scared fascination.

When I finished, Mori nodded understandingly and turned to his customers. "She lost a bet to the twins."

Their reaction? _Priceless._ "Mreooow," I cooed, rubbing our cheeks together. I would have been delighted to stay and snuggle with him all day, but I had a plan to initiate. So I reluctantly disengaged and tiptoed away. My next mission would require ninja stealth. I creeped up behind the couch he was seated on, tail twitching behind me in glee.

… Okay, I _may_ be enjoying this a bit too much. But hey, when life gives you lemons, you squeeze them and throw the juice back into their eyes.

As he was spouting praise, I waited for my golden moment. It had to be perfect! _C'mon…_ _Look this way…_ After a few moments of mental suggestion, his dark eyes finally moved to something beyond me and I leapt. He gave a girlish scream as I yowled in triumph, tackling him to the floor.

"Oh my goodness!"

"What is the _doing_?"

"Is she dressed like a cat?"

I left Tamaki in a confused puddle on the floor, cackling madly as I escaped. _Whose got the charm now, bitchez? Bwhahahaha!_ I slid on the tile and hid behind a pair of long legs, watching as the girls struggled to help the blonde to his feet. Ah, what a wonderful mess I made.

"A_hem_."

Gulp.

I looked up, following the long legs up to a familiar, _evil_ face. Kyoya looked down at me in amusement, pausing in his… well, whatever it is that he does during club hours. After a few moments of awkward staring (I was essentially hugging his legs, after all) I released him with a hiss of terror. My tail fluffed up as I fled to the only person I knew who would save me – Haruhi Fujioka.

I leapt onto her lap, yowling and begging for attention.

"Audrey, what are you-"

Despite the fact we where the same size, I forced myself onto her lap, curling up in an attempt to make myself smaller.

"Aw, what's wrong with Audrey?"

"I heard she made a bet with the twins and lost…"

"Is that why she's dressed up like a cat?"

"Why would she bet against the twins!? They never loose!"

Foreign fingers patted my head and I leaned into the contact. "Mrow," I cooed, allowing the girl to pet my hair. I think that maybe, deep down inside of me, I was meant to be a cat. Because this came scarily easy to me.

The girl squealed. "She's so adorable with those cat ears!"

Haruhi, meanwhile, mumbled awkwardly beneath me. "You have a strange obsession with sitting on me," she grumbled. I responded by shifting to a slightly more comfortable position (for her or for me, I wasn't really sure) and bumped noses with her cutely. I swear, I'm totally lesbian for this girl.

"_Noo!_" Screeched a familiar voice and I froze. Out of nowhere came Tamaki, carrying with him a cats worst nightmare – _a broom_. I shrieked and scrambled off of Haruhi, who yelped in protest. I ran, the Host king chasing me, yelling random things that didn't make sense and oh my god this is wonderfully terrifying and oh look there's Hunny!

The poor boy walked into my line of sight and I switched directions, tackling the short boy to the ground. I gave a meow of glee. "Ah! Audrey-Chan! What are – Tama-Chan, why do you have a broom?"

I pawed at the boy's chest, meowing insistently. "Meow, meow mow mrow!" I looked to Tamaki and glowered. "Hisssssssss!"

Mori spoke up from wherever he was. "Language, Audrey."

Tamaki opened his mouth only to stutter and fall flat. "She… she… she was… she was distracting Haruhi from his duties! Yes! That's why." He nodded his head. "Yes, that's it!" I huffed and gave a long, sarcastic meow. He glared, I stuck out my tongue, he pointed a finger threateningly, I hissed. You know the drill.

At Mori's stare (I guess he didn't want me cursing around such young ears) I cowed, and snuggled into Hunny's chest. He was a bit shorter than me (well, he was just smaller than me in general), so it was less like a cat snuggling a boy and more like a lion suffocating a lamb. Either way, I was surprised when said lamb grabbed my hand and started to drag me away.

"That's okay!" He said to Tamaki. "Audrey-Chan can play with me!" I ran back to his designated hosting station. I turned and used my thumb to stick up my nose at the so-called King. I think he blew a gasket or something cause people don't normally turn that color.

We arrived at a familiar couch where two girls sat, giggling quietly to themselves. At our approach, they sat up straight. "Hunny!" They chorused.

"Why is Audrey with you?"

"Is she dressed as a cat?"

Someone give this girl an award.

I yelped as Hunny _picked me up_ and rested me on the couch beside him. "She lost a bet, and now she's the clubs pet for today! Isn't that right, kitty-Chan?" He hugged me close to him, giggling wildly. Gasping for air, I gave a long, drawn out meow. _No shit Sherlock._

"Did you learn a lesson?"

"Huff." _Don't bet against shady twins._

"Good girl!"

"Mrooooow!" _Translation unavailable._

Mori stepped up, his giant hand landing squarely between my ears. The weight made me bow my head, and I gave a mumble of protest at the treatment. "She won't be betting much anymore," he said quietly.

Hunny shook his head like a disappointed parent. "That wasn't smart! Hika-Chan and Kao-Chan always win their bets." He leaned in close, covering his mouth and whispering conspiratorially. "I think they cheat." _God forbid I hit a child across the face._ I gave a huff and pushed off of him, curling up into a ball on the seat. _Now, to find a way to escape to-fjSDKLF:SDJ GAK_

Hunny wrapped his arms around my neck and dragged me onto his lap, laughing all the while. I pleaded with my eyes to the girls. However, they were too busy gushing about whatever it is normal girls gush about. Narrowing my gaze, I bristled, tempted to just swat at the boy. No one manhandles Audrey Harp unless he's super hot! And taller than me. Unfortunately for Hunny, he doesn't meet that last requirement.

However, before I could do anything, fingers started to comb through my hair and I melted. _Ohhhh, that feels good,_ I moaned, face planting into the couch. Yes, my head and hair are my weakness, we all have them. My eyes drifted shut of their own accord and I purred weakly. Oh my sweet baby Jesus this felt good. _Alright,_ I thought to myself. _Just a few minutes, then I'm going to go and step on a pair of twins… _

_**A "Few" Minutes Later**_

"Hey, do you think we should wake her up?"

"No way, this is just too adorable."

"Aww, my wittle Awdry-Chan!"

"… _Please don't ever say that again._"

"This could make the club some money… some girls said they enjoyed seeing her around the club. And many were talking about how cute she looked."

_Snap! Snap!_

"Hikaru, Kaoru, what are you doing?"

"_Taking pictures, duh. It's perfect for blackmail!_"

"You'll have to send me a copy."

I groaned, face pushed into the cushion. Sighing, I snuggled deeper, content to just let the twins gather their blackmail and take another nap. Well, I would have, but then the cushion decided to giggle. Arms wrapped around my shoulders squeezed, and I pulled away to see exactly what I was suction cupped to.

Oh.

It was Hunny.

The voices behind me hushed up suddenly, seeing my movement. Hunny's eyes were closed, his mouth slightly open as he mumbling something. He tugged me back to him forcefully and I grumbled as I got a mouthful of his uniform. I spat it out, awkwardly rubbing at my face in the weird embrace. After a few moments of intense debate (to stay or not to stay?), I snuggled a smidge closer, grumbling about needy 17 year olds.

And then I fell asleep. I'll delete those pictures later.

* * *

...

Please don't stab me with a spork. Yes, this is bad (again - or, at least I think so). Yes, it was essentially a filler. BUT THIS IS THE LAST ONE, I SWEAR. The Episodes/Arcs will all be contained in one to two chapters from now on, I promise. This was essentially to set up her relationship a little bit more with everyone. Also, I just wanted _one_ cliche in the story, just for shits and giggles.

Another thing - this is only my first chapter story on FF. Ever. So all this just makes me really happy and I will mess up and I'm stupid and yeah. Anyway. I hope this chapter doesn't make you ragequit and not read anymore ;~;

**Chapter Question:**** Considering what I just said (if you read it), what is something that would totally put you off of this story?**As in something Audrey does, or says, or something other characters do, just give me vague idea lol.

**Review Responses;**

**xxrxuxsxtxyx; **fsafd;kfa aww thank you so much! c: I really appreciate it! The inner fangirl must remained sated. And I've added some Naruto characters mainly for the people that are necessary for the story to be realistic and because I am too lazy to make my own. Have no fear, they won't have a big part in the story c:

**LuNaLoVeComiCs; **Aww, thankies! I appreciate it! Keep reviewing, let me know what you think and thingssssss ^^

**Rebecca S;** aww yeah, AUDREY HAS A FAN! When people tell me they like Audrey, I just get all the chills inside cause I love her too and its great to have something you created to be liked and enjoyed by others ^^

**Shadow Fox 2013;** oh my god shadow you are supposed to lie and tell me it was a masterpiece ;~; nah, just kidding C; I really appreciate the honesty! I know that it wasn't the best, and this one isn't either, but I'll get it together for the next chapter, pinky promise! AKA don't leave my story sobs it loves its readers yes it does my preciousss

**White Aura Dragon; **fdjalkdsjfa you have just asked the winning question! I'm actually really not sure yet? People seem pretty fond of a Hikaru/OC or Kaoru/OC, or even Twins/OC. Some have voted for Mori, some liked Hunny, one even spoke for Kyoya. So I guess it really is up in the air! Oh, your version of Audrey sounds pretty :o The only two things I think I have really confirmed (well, that I have confirmed in this chapter) is that she is on the short side, the same height as Haruhi. I HOPE THIS CHAPTER WASNT THE CLICHE THAT POSSIBLY SENT YOU AWAY sob sob it was mainly for shits and giggles and character development. Please keep reviewing, despite your hatred for doing it on your phone and/or kindle!

**Crazy Anime Chick Since 1993; **awww thank you so much! I hope this update is good enough for you c:

**Kitsune 232; **Yes, Darshan will come into play a bit later in the series! He's going to be the one friend she has outside of the Host Club/other people I'm not mentioning, and will come to be an important shoulder for her to cry on. Either way, I hope you continue to review and make me a happy person. Seriously, I will open them up at school and just... face palm into the desk cause I get so excited. I haven't gone to the nurse yet, but I might. We shall see.

**SmoulderingBlackRose;** Haha, yes, her and the twins seem popular. Not in this chapter, I must say... Audrey isn't too pleased with them at the moment XD SHE IS A SMART, CONFIDENT NOT BLACK WOMAN, AND SHE AIN'T NEED NO MAN. Okay, I'm going back to my corner now... nice to meet you... keep reviewing... hawkward... -rolls away-

**DrAnime203;** Girl, you can spam my inbox _any_ day. Oh god, there is so much drama I could incite with a relationship like that with the twins... fjdksl;fdsf but WE SHALL SEE! This might be a Hunny/Audrey pairing yet ;3 Please keep reviewing!

Kay guys, that's all. I also just want to say... _oh my sweet baby jesus LOOK AT ALL THESE REVIEWS IM GOING TO CRY_. None of my stories have this many reviews! _anchor _is a close second, but not really. I mean oh my god. Oh. My. God.

THIS IS IT, I HAVE A NEW GOAL - I hope to be the Authoress or the most reviewed OC story in the Ouran High School Host Club archive! Oh my gosh how fantastic would that be? I would cry. Like... full blown tears of joy. So share this with your anime/manga friends, help a girls dream come true ^^'

See ya!

Love love love

~Calloniel


	7. Chapter VII

**Chapter VII - Twats**

There is a method to the madness that is me. Honestly, I swear to God there is. I'm a pretty simple chick if you take the time to know me. At a glance, I'm an obnoxious, rebellious, 'You-can't-tell-me-what-to-do' attention whore. Which I will freely admit to being. Others may call me annoying, some may call me 'that comic relief character', while some just hate me for some reason. Who knows. But I'm also compassionate (to certain people), have good intentions (unless I have bad intentions), and I have to say I think I'm pretty freakin' funny.

I think I'll add narcissistic to my list.

Either way, I'm not perfect and I don't pretend to be. It's a realization that dawned on me a long time ago when my teacher pulled me aside and told me to stop being needy. Which I will also admit to being. I had unattentive parents and a mostly absent brother - who could blame me? But I must have taken it too far for a teacher like _Mrs. Brookes_ to be annoyed. Seriously, her name was Mrs. Brookes. Thats a name that belongs to a super nice fat lady who gives out sweets. But I digress.

I constantly asked for her approval, regardless the subject. Art project? _Mrs. Brookes, did I do it right?_ Going out to play during recess? _Mrs. Brookes, will you play with me?_ It got to the point where she not so kindly informed me that I was not the center of her universe and needed to grow up. In response, I started to cry and called her a bitch. And may have gotten her fired.

… I was seven, okay?! Seven was a bad year.

The end result, my seven year old self had a life changing epiphany. _People don't like dependent people._ So from then on, I tried to be the exact opposite, where I then evolved into a walking contradiction. I wanted attention, but I rather be left alone. I wanted to be invited to parties, even though I knew that I would _hate them with the entirety of my being._ I wanted to go shopping at the mall, despite the fact that I hate spending money on frivulous things. I wanted friends, even though I knew that I would be cooler without them. End result indeed.

Maybe this itself is an insight to my character? I recognize my flaws and accept them as a part of who I am. I know I have a bit of an ego problem, just like I know that it deflates at the slightest criticism. I am human, hear me rawr.

And maybe this was why I gravitated towards messed up people. I myself was on the not so sane side of the line, so like magnitizes to like. Maybe I just took comfort from the fact that he or she has it worse than I do. Does that make me a bad person? Probably. Does that stop me? Pfft, _no._

That's probably why I wasn't too concerned when I met up with Darshan and he was more depressed than a walrus without a bucket. So, to distract us both, I was deliberately being an obnoxious shit while he moped. Wasn't I a good friend?

... Yeah.

Either way, he was sad, I was trying (and failing) to make him unsad, and I had a Queen song stuck in my head. So you can probably guess what I was doing.

_"Oh, you gonna take me home tonight?"_

"Please stop."

_"Oh, down beside that red firelight."_

"Audrey."

_"Oh, you gonna let it all hang out? Fatbottomed girls, you make the rockin' world go 'round!"_ I sang into my makeshift microphone, belting out the lyrics in time to my dancing. If you could call it that. I held out my pencil/microphone (pencilphone?) to the Indian. "Sing with me, Darshan!"

He pushed it away and walked past me. "No."

I followed with a whine. "But it's Queen! How can you _not_ sing along to Queen?" I pouted at him in what I thought was a cute manner.

Darshan simply sighed. He walked into the classroom and spoke quietly to the teacher within, handing him a hastily drawn flyer. Flyer for what, you ask? Our music club. My exchange program required me to do something extracurriculary, and I figured... Why not make my own? It will be like a show choir! But... Cooler!

Of course, we (being Darshan and I) had to get it approved by the chairman. Seeing how it was Tamakis father, it was a simple agreement of me getting my club and him getting a spy. Yes, I agreed to stalk Tamaki. It shouldn't be hard; he's more predictable than what a fat guy orders at McDonald's. With permission, we made some flyers and now were passing them out to different teachers to talk about to their students.

You may ask, what makes my club different from the other music club? It's simple really. We're just better.

... And we won't be limited to classical crap. Anywho.

When Darshan returned, I wrapped my arms around his waist. "Why so glum? We got our club approved! And that surprise quiz in history didn't kill me!"

His sea blue eyes blinked at me, contemplative. I knew what was wrong to some extent. Something about his boyfriend. But he hadn't actually said anything to me, so unless I wanted to be admitted to a psych ward, I could only pretend. When he sighed, I knew that he wouldn't tell me.

"Look," he started. "I don't know how you just... _Click_ and make friends so easily, but I don't. So I'm sorry if I sound rude, but I'm not exactly comfortable with you sticking your nose into my business."

Oh.

I was _not_ prepared for a verbal lashing.

He shifted in my arms and I meeped in surprise. I hastily released him, murmuring incoherent apologies all the while. Damn, I knew he was upset, but he didn't need to be _harsh_ about it... And it wasn't that I made friends easily. I was just a people pleaser. I liked being friends with everybody. I guess I just assumed that Darshan would be... One of those few close friends, you know? Either way, things were awkward now and we were just kinda staring at eachother and-

_Bitch, answer yo phone._

The awkwardness increased.

_Ho, I know you hear me ringing! Pick me up! NOW!_

I flinched as Darshan pointed at my pocket with the weirdest expression. "I think someone might be calling you," he said. I glowered at him.

"Ya think?"

_Look you, answer me right now or I will spill your intestines and bleed you out to sacrifice to-_

I squeaked and frantically reached for my phone, trying not to feel completely mortified as the device continued to scream death threats at me. I may have had a bit too much fun making that ringtone. But I didn't really answer it otherwise! Stop judging me!

_-only after you are _screaming in agony_ will I permit you to die, only to resuscitate-_

"Hello?" My voice was squeaky. Ah, the things embaressment does to you. I coughed awkwardly and turned my back on a smirking Darshan. "Hello?"

_"Where are you?!"_ The anxious voice of Tamaki shrilled through the device. I winced and held it at arms distance for a moment before returning it to my ear.

I frowned. "School? Why?"

_"Why aren't you here? Is Haruhi with you?"_

"Why would Haruhi be with me?"

_"Because-! ... Well, um, it doesn't matter! Why aren't you here?"_

I slapped a hand to my forehead, dragging it down my face in frustration with a dramatic groan. "Didn't the twins tell you I couldn't make it? I asked-"

There was a resounding shout and sounds of a scuffle on the other line. I signed and tapped my foot, waiting for someone to get back to me. I was about to just hang up on them until two voices choruses in my ear.

"Audrey! Why aren't you here?"

_"We thought you said-"_

_"-you couldn't wait for the club to start!"_

I almost chucked my phone at the wall. I refrained. I had specifically told them that I couldn't go because I was doing _other_ club things! God damnit mother fucking- _breathe, Audrey. Take a deep breathe, count to ten._

_10, 9..._

_"Is she ignoring us?"_

_... 8, 7, 6..._

_"Audrey,"_ Kaoru whined. _"Talk to us!"_

Hilary jumped in after his twin. _"Club is so boring without you here."_

_... 5, 4-_ Wait, what?

I cradeled my phone to my ear with a stupid grin on my face. "Aw, you guys miss me?" I crooned, swaying on my feet like a lovestruck dolt. Before they could answer, another argument broke out in the background and everything erupted into chaos. Someone shrieked in pain. I think someone was bitten. _You know, this is kinda like elavator music,_ I mused to myself. _Or the dull music that plays when you get put on hold._

I turned to Darshan, covering the receiver with my hand. "You wanna go on ahead? I'll catch up with you later, okay?" I tried not to feel hurt at how relieved he looked. He walked off with a smile and a wave, practically skipping down the hallway. Tamaki's voice drew me back as he shrieked something at the twins before going off on me about club duties and responsibilities.

_"... During club hours, you should be with your club! Which is here! Unless you are dying, than you shouldn't be skipping-"_

**_Ping!_**

I blinked at the little niggling in the back of my brain and followed the stray thought. I was pleasantly surprised when I got a location; something to do with water and a peeing angel. Or that's what I assume he was doing. I walked to the window (all these big ass hallways had windows that looked outside) and pressed my face against the glass. Sure enough, there was our plucky heroine. She was elbow deep in pondewater, biting her lip in concentration.

Tamaki was still going off in my ear. "Hey, numb nuts, I found her."

A pause. _"Wha? Who?"_

"Ah fuck, sorry." He was still gender confused. "I meant Haruhi. I found him."

_"Where?!"_

I grinned to myself. "Check the ponds, twinkletoes." It's great making fun of stupid people. It made me feel special.

Tamaki seemed to finally notice my not-so-subtle insults. _"What do you mean, twinkle-?"_

I hung up before he could finish, giggling into my hand. Feeling totally devious, I leaned against the wall beside the window, watching the teen drag her things from the water. I saw Tamaki exit the building and confront her, but his back was facing me. Haruhi said something back. Tamaki seemed to deflate slightly before he joined her in whatever she was doing. _They are such a cute couple,_ I mused, shifted to lean against the window. An image in my minds eye overlapped with reality, adding a brownhaired, blue eyed boy to the pair. I grinned. _Right on track._

And yes, there _was_ a track. From day one I knew those two would be a couple. They would get married and have a bunch of awkward and adorable little babies and live happily ever after. And it wasn't just intuition telling me this. Oh no, it was my own selfish wishing.

Simply put, I ship it. And I ship it hard. Seriously, it's practically my OTP. Except it isn't, because my real OTP is me and a certain Karl Urban. Damn, that man is fine...

Hmm... Vaako...

Harsh clicks brought me out of my daydream of a certain necromonger lieutenant. A familiar girl (whom I may or may not have hit in the face) stomped towards me, seemingly unaware of her surroundings. I glanced at the girl retrieving her things from their wet graves outside and back to the stomping chick. _Oh, no she didn't._ My gaze narrowed as I stared her down, but she didn't even notice me. _Don't say something bitchy, don't say something bitchy. Actually, just don't say anything at all, just let her pass, you'll just get in trouble._

_..._

_Ah, fuck it._

"You wouldn't happen to know what happened to Haruhi's stuff, would you?" _Oh my God, shut up, Audrey!_

The girl froze, finally focusing her icy gaze on me. After a few moments of staring she gave a short laugh. "I'm sorry, who are you talking about? That silly commoner?" She flipped her hair over her shoulder and gave a shrug. "Why on earth would I associate with anything less then myself?" Her face, which had been seething with rage earlier, had been replaced with a self-satisfied smirk.

I wish I was a firebender. Then I could roast her and feed her to my pigs. Not that I had pigs, but I would buy some, just so I could feed them this girls charred remains. "Haruhi is worth more than you could _ever_ hope to be," I growled, resisting the urge to physically harm her. We both glowered at eachother. It was like Harry Potter vs Voldemort. I could practically feel the sparks.

She gave a huff. "Stupid American. You should learn your place."

I gave a harsh bark of laughter. Oh my gosh, she really just went there. "Alright," I managed through my chuckles. "I'll give you that. But we aren't exactly known for being obedient. And we aren't known for being lazy friends." Another glare. I was on fire today! "Leave Haruhi alone." My best angry face was on, hopefully filling this twat (oh, I love that word) with terror. However, she seemed undeterred.

She gave a laugh of her own. "Oh really? Why should I?"

Quick! Think of something witty to say! I smiled genuinely, know that it would be creepier during our little spit then my glare. Hurry up! _Think think think!_ "I have a shit ton of plastic wrap, a spork, and three seasons of_ Dexter_ on DVD. Don't tempt me." Holy Shit. I'm a badass. I'm the next Walter White!

... Except she didn't understand the reference.

"What?" She said, looking quite dumbfounded. Insert facepalm here.

I opened my mouth to explain how _Dexter_ was a show about one of the most creative fiction serial killers of all time, but familiar arms wrapping around familiar places stopped me.

_"You're looking more stupid than usual,"_ the twins stated, poking at my cheeks. It was my turn to stare at them, dumbfounded.

"What are you guys doing here?" I asked.

"Looking for you, of course," said Hikaru. He smiled at me, and if I was a braver girl, I might have kissed him with how adorable he looked. But I'm not a brave girl. Kaoru mimicked his twin, adopting almost the exact same expression.

"We came to take you to the club room! The girls are asking for you, you know."

Blink. Blink. Stare at hot siblings stupidly. Blink some more. "What?" I quickly looked back to the girl I had confronted, only to find her dissapearing around the next corner. She only shot me a self-satisfied smirk before vanishing. I glowered at the floor where she had been standing, hands clenched into fists at my side.

To say I was overprotective of my friends would be an understatement.

Hikaru and Kaoru stared at me. They looked at each other before leaning down to be eye level with me. I refused to lock eyes with them, too caught up in this sudden surge of anger. "I think we broke her," Kaoru mused.

His counterpart sighed dramatically and leaned against me, one hand shoved into his pocket while the other took it's customary place over my shoulders. "And after we spent all this time tracking her down to tell her about that new sweets shipment that just came in."

That got my attention. "Sweets?" I asked excitedly, grabbing onto Hikarus jacket. He blinked at me and nodded, a smile slowly crawling over his face.

"Yup. I even heard that Hunny got those icecream sandwiches you were talking about..."

I gave a squeal of delight and grabbed the twins hand, pulling them after me as I started to run down the hall. "Sweets sweets sweets sweets sweets! SWEEEEEETS!" I cried, all thoughts of twats and Dexter forgotten. Kaoru laughed, letting my drag him while Hikaru complained. But I knew they were pleased, though with what, I didn't know.

But God damnit, there was icecream to be eaten! Besides, I think our antagonist got the message. She would leave Haruhi alone.

* * *

Or not.

"Someone hold me back, cause I'm going to _rip her a new one!_" I snarled, glaring daggers at a certain twat. In front of me sat, sipping at her tea daintily, was Haruhi's silent tormentor. She had the _nerve_ to request Haruhi after what she did? And after I _specifically_-

I stopped and looked behind me. "Why is nobody holding me back?" I demanded, putting my clenched fists on my hips. "When a girl says to hold her back, by God, you do it!" The host boys all stared at me blankly. They didn't seem to know or care. I crossed my arms with a scowl, glaring at the world.

Hunny blinked at me, but I was in no mood for his adorable face. "Audrey-Chan, why are you so angry?"

_"Yeah, what's up with you?"_ The twins asked, giving me a curious stare. I just gave a huff and looked up at the cieling. I was ever so slowly getting use to their attractiveness, and soon I would be immune to the power they possessed.

Or maybe I wouldn't.

Shut up. Judgemental pricks.

"It's _because_," I started with an aggravated sigh. "This twat has done nothing but torment Haruhi the last few days. She put a blade in his textbook, and needles in his clothes, and all sorts of other bitchy things!" Insert furious glower that could melt the sun here. Kyoya, who had been typing away at his laptop at a nearby table, made a choking sort of sound. It was really interesting how every single host member turned to him, eyes wide.

"Did Kyoya just... Laugh?"

_"No way."_

"I didn't know Kyo-Kun could laugh!"

"... Hn." Ah, Mori. Always such a sweet talker.

The man in question just pushed up his glasses. A grin crept up onto my face, and I sidled up to him, hands behind my back. "Did I make you have a funny?" I teased.

Kyoya didn't even look at me as he said cheerfully, "Would you be interested in mopping the entirety of the music room when club hours are over, _Kitty-Kun_?" I gulped and retreated, trying not to suffocate on the false glee. Oh my sweet Jesus, this man would kill me.

"Ah! Somebody help!"

The piercing cry run in my ears as I whirled around, eyes wide. _She didn't..._

"Someone do something! Haruhi just attacked me! I _knew_ he was barbarous!"

My gaze narrowed. The twat (she had a new name now) was on the floor with Haruhi sprawled atop her, looking shocked and bewildered. The air around me went cold, but to my surprise, I wasn't the one causing it.

"Someone come teach this commoner a lesson-" She shrieked.

A splash, then silence. The twins had grabbed two cups of water and upturned it over the girls (as in both of them) heads. _"Sorry,"_ they chorused. I shivered at the steel in their identical stares. _"Our hands slipped."_

Oh, I could kiss them.

The brat bristled, gaze a destructive mix of anger, shock, and confusion. "Wha... Why did you do that?!"

Tamaki, for some reason looking really serious(ly attractive), walked over and helped the girl to her feet. She clutched at his coat and I bristled like a angry cat. That was Haruhis coat to grab! Hands off, bitch!

"Oh, Tamaki," she sobbed. "Do something! Haruhi just assaulted me!"

I was about to walk over and give her a real reason to cry when Hunnys hand on my arm stopped me. Opening my mouth to protest, I stopped short at his serious expression. He just shook his head at me, and nodded back towards where Tamaki was speaking.

"You're the one who threw his bag into the pond, aren't you?"

I could almost _see_ the panic in her eyes as her story unravelled in front of her. "N-no, I..."

"Cough cough, yes she did, cough cough." Hmm? Nope, wasn't me, I didn't say _nuthin_.

Tamaki ignored me as he gave a sigh, running a hand through his hair. "So beautiful," he murmured. The twat preened under the praise, hoping that the compliment was him giving in. She opened her mouth to speak, but he beat her too it. "But only on the outside. I'm sorry to say this, but could you please never come back?" The host king stepped back, hands in his pockets and his face austere. "We can't have customers who treat my fellow club members like that."

I fist pumped, and when the girl ran away crying, I blew a raspberry at her back. Take that, you twat! Go cry to daddy! I may have been enjoying this a bit too much as I skipped towards Tamaki. "Dude," I gushed, grinning like a fool. "You were a total badass! Damn, I was getting the chills just-" and then I slipped in the splashed water and fell on my butt. Painfully.

_Ow._

Tears welled up in my eyes as my tailbone stung like a mother. Stupid floor. Stupid water. Stupid twins. It's all their fault. There was a long sigh as said twins pulled my up by under my arms. I winced.

"Stupid," Hikaru scolded.

"You okay?" Kaoru asked.

I shook my head slowly, rubbing my bruised behind. "No," I pouted. "My butt hurts." I was easily distracted as Tamaki talked with Haruhi. _OTP alert! OTP alert! Things are happening!_ I watched like an eager school girl as the boy blushed, Haruhi completely unaware. Damn, if this is how he reacts when he thinks she is a boy, I can't...

Snickers behind me had me whirling around with a frown on my face. "Whatchu laughing at?" I demanded. The twins faces had turned red and they just pointed at me. I looked at my pants and it dawned on me. "Aw, fuck me," I grumbled. The seat of my pants was totally soaked, and as I twisted awkwardly to look at it the boys erupted into laughter. Glowering at them, I pointed and demanded in my most serious voice, "This is your fault! You owe me a pair of jeans!"

At this they were on the floor laughing. I pouted childishly and crossed my arms. But then I noticed that a majority of the club was missing.

_**Ping!**_

"Hey, lets go," I said, kicking Kaorus leg. "Or we're gonna miss the big reveal."

At my demand they straightened up, leaning on eachother for support. _"What reveal?"_ They asked.

I walked away, flushing as they started to laugh all over again. It really wasn't that funny! For all they knew, my self-esteem could be plummeting and I was going to go hang myself because of it! "Fine!" I called over my shoulder. "You're gonna miss Tamaki finally realizing Haruhi is a girl!"

That got them moving.

And we weren't sad we missed it. Tamaki turned into a tomato at the sight of Haruhi in a dress, which I had quickly informed her if I ever caught her wearing that monstrosity again, I would destroy everything she ever loved with fire. She quickly agreed and appeased me with chocolate and praise - no, not really. I wish. She just kinda looked at me funny.

And the twins wouldn't stop laughing at me.

I hate them

Not really.

Yes I do.

Ugh.

_Boys._

* * *

Oh my gosh guys, guess what? I got my first flame! It was... horrible and made me want to cry cause I have no self-esteem as a writer. However, all of you guys who _aren't_ flamers, you cheered me up. I read this review (which wasn't even literate, by the way) from some anonymous guest essentially calling Audrey a 'Sue who did nothing but make the other characters OOC and have them feel bad for her. Which doesn't make sense, seeing how it was a review for chapter 1, and the hosts don't even come in 'till chapter two... oh well.

So before I went into a tumbling depression, I remembered you beautiful readers and essentially reread everything you guys ever said. And it made me so ridiculously happy that I typed this entire chapter on my phone. _On my phone._ Do you know how difficult that is? If there are any typos, that is why. So, my dear Hater, I actually have to thank you! My story wouldn't be a story without someone who despises it. I just wish you weren't anonymous so I could ask you what I could do better.

However, other haters, please don't take this as an invitation to dis the story ;~; I don't think my pour soul could take it.

Well, actually, it could. I would just be super sad because I am a people pleaser - I write for the fans.

Chapter wise, we start with seeing a bit more of Audrey's personality. I know some of you said that you didn't really like others doing the whole profile sort of thing, but I really wanted to push this part of Audrey's personality. While she isn't a depressed emo chick whose father beat her, she _was_ raised having less attention then she wanted. This is what provokes Audrey's more... reckless and disobedient nature. So... yeah. Just wanted to try and help you guys get into her head a little more ~

Oh well. On with the Chapter Question!

**What would you do if you were locked in a room with your favorite host? **There is not point to this question than curiosity and inspiration. Who knows, there is always that halloween episode... Audrey and a certain someone might take a little tumble... but that is a ways off.

**Review Responses**

**xxrxuxsxtxyx; **tsjkdf;saj child, calm down. IT IS ALL OKAY. This chapter was a bit more serious, so hopefully your fangirl doesn't die. But I hope that she still enjoys it, and I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT TOO!

**Shadow Fox 2013; **Aww, don't die! Thats not my intention nooo come back! -resuscitates- Either way, I hope this satisfied you!

**White Aura Dragon; **So... is it really ridiculous that I'm really happy you're pleased? Like... your review just oh my god I was so worried that the cliche would put people off? But hearing you say that makes me so happy you have noooo idea! FAITH IN MY WRITING RESTORED! ... ha. WAD XD Well, LET ME KNOW HOW THIS IS CAUSE YOUR OPINION MAKES ME A HAPPY CAMPER

**Kitsune232; **ahhh from a 6 to a 10? Holy shit I just sobs into the night because of all the feels. Yes, the dynamics between Audrey and the Hosts are all going to be unique, or that is what I am aiming for. With the twins, they are like mischievious brothers who she's really attracted to, while Hunny is the sweet adorable 'boy next door', Mori is the sweet giant, and then Audrey and Haruhi are lesbian lovers -nods sagely- No, not really. But yes. ANYWAY

**SmolderingBlackRose; **Well, to be honest, it was all the things I would do if I was a cat XD I had been planning on her taking some revenge on the twins, but then It just... ended up with her taking a nap with Hunny and I figured, 'lets just leave it here. Its cute. And who doesn't want to nap with Hunny?' But I have one or two more fillers DEFINITELY planned, one of them involving Darshan and the other Sasuke and Sakura (Naruto's friends).

**Deaths BlackOut; **fjdskalfjsd YAY A REVIEWER LET ME SHOWER YOU WITH LOVE AND CHEER AND A NEW CHAPTER c: -insert all the hearts-

**don't-even-ask1; **Eeeek thank you so much! Here you go, I hope you like it c: ps - iloveyouravatar so prettyyyy

Guys, here is the flame, and what was said -

"_nice uncreative way to get ur mary sue into the host club, so people can act OOC andfeel bad for ur stupid oc_"

Review and tell me otherwise and make me feel better about myself. And if you agree, then tell me whyyy cause I want to know so I can fix it now/in the future.

Lotsa Love ~

Calloniel


	8. Chapter VIII

**Chapter VIII - Audrey is a fangirl of Hayley Williams**

I frowned, staring intently at the blank sheet of paper in front of me. My pen tapped the familiar rhythm of the song 'Cups' against the book I was using to write on. My frown power increased. When the words didn't magically appear on the page, I flung myself back against the wall with a loud groan. "Why is music so hard," I sobbed dramatically, one arm flung across my face.

See, the Host Club was throwing a ball… party… thing. And lucky me (or rather, lucky Darshan and I) Tamaki offered to let us perform something to get our club out there. Our darling boy from India would be playing our musical instrument(s), while I sang. He would sing to, but harmony, because I am a demanding attention whore and must be in center stage at all times.

Ha. I made a funny.

Anyhow, what I was _trying_ to do was make a medley from Paramore songs. I wasn't exactly the most knowledgeable when it came to Japanese songs/artists, so I was sticking to my comfort zone. Which meant that it was our dear Hayleys songs that I was going to jam together.

"Okay, let's make a list. Lists make things better. I wanna combine… I want…" I frowned. "Alright, definitely _Pressure_ and _crushcrushcrush_. Maybe that newer one..." I scribbled down the song titles, tongue sticking out of my mouth in oh so flattering concentration. Another pause, another tapping session.

The piano music in the background wasn't helping much. I glowered at the happily dancing pair. "Do you _mind_?" I drawled sourly. "I'm composing over here!"

"_Haruhi learning to dance is much more important,_" The twins chorused, approaching from wherever they had been.

I stared up at them and gave a low whistle. "Hey ya'll, how's the weather up there?" Then I chuckled. "Ah, I crack myself up."

The boys just looked at each other and shrugged. "So, what are you composing?" Hikaru asked, leaning over to get a closer look at my master plans. I shuffled away, only to run into Kaoru's legs.

"It's a medley," I huffed.

Kaoru blinked at me. "Of who?"

"You probably wouldn't know her. Hayley Williams?" At their blank stares, I fidgeted uncomfortably. "From _Paramore_?"

Recognition dawned on their faces. "_Oh, _that _girl!_"

I may or may not have looked like I had swallowed a sour lemon. "What do you mean, _that_ girl?"

The twins stood and shrugged nonchalantly. "Yeah, our mom designed some of the clothes on their tour a few months back," Kaoru nodded, seemingly uncaring that he met one of the most _loved female figures in the United States_.

Hikaru looked annoyed though. "I don't understand what the big deal is, though. She wasn't that impressive."

I punched him in the shin, and was thoroughly satisfied when he shouted in pain. "Don't diss the Williams!" I shook my fist at him. "She is the most beautiful, creative, intelligent, and strong woman ever!" Lovesick sigh. Damn, the things I would do to _meet_ her instead of mashing her songs together…

Hikaru gave a huff. "Well, _I_ wasn't impressed." Kaoru didn't say anything, looking for all the world like he wanted to be somewhere other than between me and his carbon copy.

"Well, I'll knock the socks off of you with my medley! Then you'll be eating your blasphemous words!"

"Yeah right! Nothing you could do could impress me."

"Don't be jealous of my mad musical skill!"

"What musical skill?"

I glowered. He glowered. I stuck out my tongue. He stuck out his tongue. I punched him in the shin. He yelped in pain. Glory to the Americans!

"Ugh, whatever," He snarled. "Come on, Kaoru." Hikaru stomped off, and I blew a raspberry at his retreating back.

The remaining twin just heaved a sigh and put his hands behind his head. "Do you always have to rile him up?" He whined.

I gave him my biggest grin. "Of course! What other meaning is there to life than to bother my favorite Hi-Ka-Ru?"

Haruhi chose that wonderful moment to fall atop a young woman by the name of… of… shit, all these japanese names. Haruhi immediately stuttered out an apology, and I took the pleasure of calling out, "Keep it in your pants!"

She gave me a long, suffering stare as she (not Haruhi, the other girl she was on top of) wrapped her arms around her (this one being Haruhi) neck. Kaoru meanwhile just sputtered something unintelligible and ran off. I watched his retreating back with an amused smile.

The Host Club members still weren't use to my… heh… colorful language. And the usual reaction was a muffled noise from Kyoya, the twins uncontrollable laughter, Mori and Hunny acting like disapproving parents, and Tamaki crying that his lovable cousin (he still hadn't let that up) needed to eat some soap. Literally, he kept saying that. I don't think he knew what the actual saying was. And I didn't bother correcting him because… well. Anyway, I had to say, Haruhi's reaction was always the best. She would looked at me, exasperated, just like she was at that moment.

It made me giggle.

Oh, you poor dears, I've started en media res again, haven't I? Tee hee, aren't I villainous?

… No? What do you mean _no_?

Wow, my dreams of being the hottest bad girl of all time are _crushed._

Regardless, there was some girl whose name I can't recall (it has an k in it, I think) who is apparently a 'host hopper', which in American means she's your typical slut. Tamaki threw a giant fit about girl things when he realized that Haruhi was her new favorite. Typical attention whore behavior. And then there was the mentioning of this big ol' party and their request that I perform. Actually, it was more like I begged for a chance, but the end result was the same. _Anywho,_ Haruhi doesn't know how to dance, so Ms. Host Hopper was doing him the favor of teaching him.

And here we are.

Again, I found myself tapping out the _Cups_ rhythm. "Come on, _think_," I grumbled. "Where is my jedi power when I need it?" It was busy being nonexistent, but that is besides the point. If I had a basic beat, then I could start, but… I hummed quietly, narrowing my eyes.

Pause. Glance at my pen. Glance at the paper. Glance at the pen. _Oh._

Things may or may not have been happening as I began scribbling away. I know the Host Hopper had a freak out about a thing and ran off in a bumbling mess. Tamaki got excited about said thing. They talked about the ball. Haruhi dressed up as girl (which, would it be considering 'dressing up' cause she actually _was_ a girl?) and seduction. I heard my name once or twice, but do you know that moment where you're just in the zone, and nothing really makes _sense_-?

Something grabbed my ankle and I slid to my back with a muffled squeak. My book and music were left behind as I was dragged across the floor. I felt like Frodo when the giant squid octopus thingy majig grabbed him. "Whyyyyy," I cried. However, the host kings grip on my ankle was too strong for poor, defenseless me to fight off!

"We are planning!" Tamaki cried, pulling me across the tile to the waiting gaggle of teenagers. They watched my torment without mercy. I must not be Frodo then, cause everyone in the fellowship jumped in to save him! But _no,_ they just left me to my suffering. "We must reunite Kanako and Tohru and fix their love mess!"

_That_ didn't sound at all _horrible_. "I don't want to interfere with love triangles! It always ends badly!"

"_It's more like an octagon..._"

"What's the difference!? Let me go! Leonardo DaVinci didn't stop when he was working on the Mona Lisa! Let me finish!"

He dropped me to the floor. "Audrey, as a member of this club, you swore an oath to do whatever we said!"

I blinked up at him stupidly. "When did I swear an oath?"

"We've decided to disguise Haruhi as a girl and have her pretend to confess to Tohru in order to reveal his true feelings! Then, Kanako will hear his confession and they will undoubtedly forget all their troubles! It's perfect!"

I waited.

And waited.

And waited a little more.

"That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard."

Cue the deadpans!

"Thank you!" Grumbled Haruhi, one hand rubbing her forehead.

"I mean, seriously, why dress Haruhi up as a girl when you already have a girl right here?"

"You don't count."

"Shut up, Hikaru."

"But Audrey, don't you wanna sing at the dance?" Hunny said, cute as ever. He crouched beside me on the floor, Usa-chan in his grip. "You seemed really excited about it…"

"I was," I drawled, suddenly wary. Though he was the cutest, he was also the most devilish. I couldn't let him trick me!

"He's right, you know," Started Kaoru, a finger to his lips. "Who knows what could happen…?"

My eyes narrowed. "You wouldn't." They _better_ not, or I would be doing something to him no innocent girl should ever do.

Hikaru gave a devilish grin. "If you don't help, then maybe, just maybe, there won't be any performance for Audrey-Chan?"

Tamaki seemed to catch on. "If you don't help, then you don't perform!" He said gleefully, clapping his hands together.

Oh, lord have mercy. I gave Hunny my worse glare, and was pleased when he cowered behind Mori's legs. This was his fault!

"What do I have to do?" I sighed.

* * *

"Darshan," I sang. The indian looked at me, dressed to the T in a navy blue suit and a black tie. He was unravelling the wires to the mic and plugging them into the speakers. Essentially doing grunt work. "You look mighty fine tonight," I drawled with my best southern accent.

He gave me a once over, and I twirled for him. I loved an excuse to look pretty. Kushina had taken me dress shopping the other day, and I was decked out in a loose black dress with a thick belt around my waist. It fell off my shoulders and fell to a couple of inches above my knee. It was a bit short, but I looked hot, so it was okay!

… Does that make me sound like a slut?

Don't answer that.

Red jewelry and _killer_ red heels completed the ensemble, and I was feeling quite pretty if I say so myself. It helped that Minato's secret skill was make up applying. Who would have thought?

His smile was megawatt, and I melted. "You look great, Audrey."

Someone get me a stretcher! "Promise you'll dance with me at _least_ once?" I begged, slipping my arm through his.

"Only if you don't step on me with those monsters. They look like they could kill."

"Only if I use them as a club," I replied. "I make no promises. Anyway, you know the schedule for the night?"

Darshan nodded and pulled a piece of paper from his inside pocket. "Yes'm. Them fancy folks will be going first with their violin playing." He looked to me for confirmation, and I nodded. "That's when Haruhi is going to go change and do her swap about." Nod. "Then we perform for the fancy couple with the final dance. After that, we do our set piece."

I gave a clap. "Yup yup!"

It had taken me _hours_ to find a song decent enough to be played for a final dance. Well, there were a lot of songs, it was a matter of finding one that not only satisfied everyone else, but satisfied _me._ And I'm a picky singer.

… Okay, even the song _I_ picked I wasn't happy with, but Tamaki had squealed like a little girl who got a pony for her birthday when I showed it to him. At that point, I didn't even have a choice.

Darshan shivered next to me. "Is this a good idea?" He mumbled. "I don't know-"

I interrupted him with a scoff. "Hun, if we knew everything, we wouldn't try anything new, would we?" That shut him up. "We'll be fine. And if anything goes wrong, we'll blame it on somebody else." I patted his cheek and stepped away. "I have to go find the hosts. I want to show off my hot bod." I winked, and tried not to choke on my spit when he made a face at me.

I skipped away, feeling pleased that I was one of those girls who had a natural affinity for the death traps known as high heels. Hell, I could be that chick from the third Transformers, where she ran around in those ridiculous shoes for a majority of the robot apocalypse. Except I'm not a Victoria Secret model… yeah.

The hosts were all decked out in their penguin suits, and I had to resist singing _Techno Fan_. Instead I waved dramatically, and they all turned to me as one unit. The twins gave a low whistle as I trotted up the stairs. "_You look like a girl!_" They said with false surprise.

I blew a raspberry. "Well, no dance for _you_ two!" My gaze turned to Haruhi, who looked dashing in her suit. I wrapped my arms around her and cooed. "You're so handsome! You'll dance with me, right? Darshan said he would, and I expect I'm dancing with the other hosts at some point, but I wanna dance with you too!" I gave her a wink.

She sighed dramatically, head flopping back on her neck. "Fine," she moaned. "But don't step on me with those shoes."

I released her and put my hands on my hips. "Why does everyone assume that I'll step on them? I'm a very good dancer!"

"Maybe in your dreams."

"Shut up, Hikaru."

"You'll dance with me too, right Audrey-Chan?" Hunny whined, staring up at me with big brown eyes. I was tempted to say no, just to break his little heart, but I changed my mind at Mori's raised eyebrow. _Fun killer._

So instead, I gave him my biggest grin and said, "Of course! I'll always save a dance for my favorite host."

That got him riled up. "I'm Audrey-Chan's _favorite_! Hear that Hika-Chan?" He swung about to the boy, Usa-Chan looking like a rag in his arms. "I'm her favorite!"

Hikaru looked about ready to have an aneurysm.

A faint clicking made my whirl about, and I watched as the orchestra began to play on cue from the conductor. I use to play the Viola, but the high school I went to didn't have an orchestra class, so I had stopped. That's when I focused more on singing and composing. It was going to be my major, you know.

Girls (and boys) all came in dressed with their best. I noticed with a mix of sadness and glee that I was the only girl wearing black. Aren't I gothic?

Tamaki clapped his hands together and threw them outwards, a large smile on his face. "Let the party begin!" Immediately he was swarmed with girls asking for dances, and I edged away from the crowd. A hand on my elbow made me spazz and I whirled around on a familiar face… yeah, and that was it. No idea who this guy was.

"Would you like to dance, Audrey?" He asked politely, eyes crinkling.

Creepy. "Sure!" I sang, tilting my head to the side. He took my hand and led me to the tiled floor, where I proceeded to make sure I stepped on him at least twice. _And_ I didn't apologize. After that wonderful show, not many guys asked me to dance. Not that I minded. Like I said before - I wanted to be invited to parties, but I hated them with a fiery burning passion.

So this was me hating the party. With a burning passion. Tee hee.

Waving arms drew me from my evil reverie and I noticed Darshan giving me a shy smile. I sashayed over to him (there I go, look at me, what a dirty little slut (I should stop talking bad about myself (I need to stop with my parenthesis (Just one more!)))). "Could I have this dance?" He asked with a bow.

Ah, my heart. I grabbed his hand and dragged him to the floor, content to let him twirl me about like a princess. From the corner of my eye, I watched as Haruhi (this time looking of the female gender) walked into the room, searching. When she saw me, she gave me a thumbs up. I returned the gesture and gave Darshan a smack on the chest. "Alright handsome, let's do this," I hummed.

Hand in hand we darted through the crowd of people. I felt like Tom Cruise saving a damsel, because Darshan did not know a _thing_ about maneuvering through a crowd. We hopped up the stage and Darshan went to his electric piano, giving it a quick check. I gave myself a quick once over - no holes in my dress, nothing awkward showing, looking fabulous - before tapping on the mic. "Ladies and gentlemen," I announced with a broad smile. Faces turned to us on our little makeshift stage, and I had to take a deep breathe to stop my sudden shaking.

Why did I decide to do this?

I _hated_ crowds.

This was terrifying.

Something was going to go wrong.

I was going to fall to my death!

People would throw things at me!

Well, considering that majority of the items on their person were super expensive, I didn't mind too much. Think of how much I could get on ebay...

"May I call…" Internally screaming as I forget their names. "Tohru and Kanako to the center stage!" Right on cue, a spotlight lit up the couple. I continued smiling, ignoring the fact that she looked about ready to puke and he was more depressed than a dog who dropped his bone in the deep end of the pool.

Tamaki jumped up beside me to save the day with his announcing and stole my mike. "The last dance goes to the wonderful couple!" He crowed with an arm wave. "And, for your listening pleasure, Audrey and Darshan from the Music club!" He gave me a wink, which I couldn't see because I was staring in horror at the crowd. Darshan began to play. My terrified expression darted to him. Ahh not ready not ready not ready not-

"_There use to be a graying tower alone on the sea,_

_You became the light on the dark side of me._

_Love remained a drug that's the high and not the pill._

_But did you know?_

_That when it snows,_

_My eyes become large and_

_The light you shine can be seen._

_Baby, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the gray._"

Huh.

Not too hard.

Luckily, no one started throwing things at me (or would that be a bad thing? My wallet is in mourning), and instead turned to watch the couple dance. I gave Darshan a raised eyebrow, and he shrugged. So, together, we continued on, secretly feeling like Gods. Seriously, performing on a stage is the best adrenaline rush.

When we finished, the couple looked about ready to get married on the spot. I gave Darshan a high five. Success! The indians smile could have lit up a city he was so happy. This wasn't the first time he had performed, but it was the first time he had ever really been in charge of anything.

The hosts began applauding us, prompting the other people in the room as well. I gave a bow and then I swept an arm to Darshan, who in turn stood and waved. A couple of girls in the crowd had hearts in their eyes, and, unable to help myself, I leaned into the mike and said conspiratorily, "He's available, in case anyone was curious."

Ah, his face.

So terrified.

And angry.

Time to run away!

At this point, apparently a kiss was being given away or something, and… it was… Kanako? I frowned. Really? We _just_ spent a whole party trying to get her together with her fiance! … Whom she was techinically already together with?This was stupid. I refuse to participate.

Two arms looped through my own, and the twins called out, "And, in a surprise twist, Haruhi will be giving the winning kiss!" I blinked at them stupidly until I realized that they were forcing me to be involved. Oh.

"Yay!" I called out at Haruhi's horrified expression. I'm such a good friend. I allowed the twins to drag me to the balcony, where Haruhi descended the steps with a reluctant pace. Kanako stood, fiddling with her hands, and then the twins said something and Tamaki was _flying_ and -

_Smooch!_

"Aww," I cooed. "We should have a GSA club."

"_GSA?_" The twins chorused.

"Gay Straight Alliance," I replied bluntly, and tried not to feel too joyful when they started looking extremely uncomfortable. "What? Have something against gays?" I teased, poking at their sides.

They immediately began sputtering something, but I was distracted by arms wrapping around my waist and pulling me backwards. I yelped and barely caught myself only to find that my captor was none other than Hunny. "You promised me a dance!" He sang, pulling me to the dance floor.

Ah yes. I did. Que the 'happy' ending music!

* * *

Wait wait _wait_, hold up for a second here - Where's my great performance? You know, the one I spent a good chunk of the chapter complaining about?

_Oh, we're not putting it in._

Why the hell not?

_Cause people typically don't like songs in fics. Messes them up or something._

Fuck people, I wanna sing my _Paramore_ medley!

_No. However, dear readers, if you would like to hear what it is that Audrey would have sung, then go to __www . youtube watch?v=cfbMISb0-mM_

But I wanted-

_See you next time, folks! Remember, seatbelts are like condoms - you're only safe if you're wearing it!_

* * *

… yeah.

No excuse for that last bit.

I apologize (again) for the lateness. A family member recently died and I've just… not been okay, haha. Why did I just laugh there…? Ugh whatever. So here you are, Episode 2 in a nutshell told from Audrey's craptastic POV. She doesn't really care about others too much and what's going on around her, if you can't tell.

**Chapter Question: So far, Audrey's career choice is to be a composer/songwriter/performer. What do you think about that?**

And for the review responses, WHICH I GOT A WHOPPING 15 REVIEWS FOR OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS THIS JUST UGH C:

**xxrxuxsxtxyx;** ahhh don't die! Here is your update, which I hope resuscitates you c:

**skyfire101;** fjdkfl;sdja aw you're making me blush =^^= see? That's a blushing emoticon right there. Totally blushing right now. Uh huh. But I'm so glad you find this funny! That's my goal, making strangers across the web laugh.

**Kitsune232;** HA that's so innocent compared to what I would do. I would just... make a bunch of crude jokes until someone passed out or shut me up. I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Shadow Fox 2013;** -huggles- As long as you love it, I will continue to write. Just for you c:

**White Aura Dragon;** NOPE that comes next, and it will be... interesting. Because her and Audrey will clash _real_ hard. She won't take any of her shit lol. And yes, Darshan is a douche, but hopefully you could understand where he is coming from. Our heroine... is really abrasive, haha, and he's a bit of a recluse for reasons you may or may not have guessed already. Hmm... candy... ice cream... bring me some with your next review? XD

**Kso12;** So... does that mean my story is edible? It would probably give you some bad digestion.

**Guest;** Do you mean this in a good way? XD If so, then here is more!

**Death's Inevitable Kiss;** jfdksla;fjds compliments make me happy c: Yes, Audrey will slowly evolve into someone much more mature and... well, more of an adult I guess. Similar to how the manga series went. It started of really... kinda stupid, but then it evolved and the characters evolved until you were invested in this emotional story and ugh. So yes, this is my goal c: I HOPE I SUCCEED IT WILL BE AWKWARD IF I DONT?

**unknown girl;** you are a beautiful poet, my fair maiden.

**SmolderingBlackRose;** fjdskaf;jds ahhhh Up in heaven with my dear Castiel. Hmm that is some hot angel bod right there, uh huh.

**Flameswolf;** wait... am I? Or am I not? D8 TYPO OR NO TYPO? Either way, Im so happy you liked this story! I shall keep the pigs at bay with a new chapter. plz dun eat me I taste like chicken.

**don't-even-ask1;** JUST SAYING IT NOW, I LOVE LONG REVIEWS c: they make me ridiculously happy. And I'm glad you enjoy my writing! I tend to write like I speak, to hell with grammar and the dictionary. I have a hard time with my writing on occasion, however, cause I like to try and get all the details, but that gets really tiresome? At which point I just want to chuck something at the wall.

**TartPixie;** Careful with those drugs, Ms. Hyena. They can be dangerous, and when combined with _Just Call It Intuition_ can cause severe hysteria. Of the good kind c;

**ObviouslyNotReal;** I HAVE CONVERTED YOU TO OC's. WELCOME TO OUR REALM. Yeah, I can understand why you wouldn't like OC's. They are usually not very well written and contain a worlds worth of smut. So I'm glad that I can write something that you like c: ... and rereading that sentence, it doesn't make much sense. Whatever. ANYWAY Im so glad you liked it and yay ^^

**WardenN7;** WELL THAT IS WHERE I AM LEANING TOWARDS? That and/or Hikaru. Some people want it to be a three way relationship, but Audrey is too much of a secret romantic to allow it. And I would hate to break up the drama that Hikaru loving Haruhi would cause so... yeah. It is all up in the air c: Hell, she may not end up with _any_ of them. Which would be sad, but entirely plausible.

Once again, thank you all for reviewing ;~; With all that's going on in my life, it really makes me smile when I want to cry and drown myself in the pool. If you have any questions, let me know, and please continue to read even though sometimes the chapters suck butt.

Love,

Calloniel


	9. Chapter IX

**Chapter IX - Clash of the Titans… Kinda?**

WARNING: If you are a fan of Renge, just be aware that Audrey and her (just based on their personalities) are going to seriously clash. Like… Clash of the Titans clash. Hence the chapter title. Soooo there may be some bashing. If you can't handle it, then skip over it or don't complain. I'm not going to say stop reading because that would make me really sad. Like… super sad. Sob sob. Look at me. I'm crying.

* * *

"_Don't touch me, you faker_!"

Ah, and the day had started out so nicely. The weather had been warm, I was wearing my _Twenty One Pilots_ T-shirt, the twin's hadn't been completely unbearable, and I was at a solid B in all my classes. Live had been good.

Until _she_ showed up.

It all started about… however many minutes ago (wow, what a flashback this is) when a shy, not too ugly girl in an obnoxious yellow dress peaked into Music Room 3. Assuming she was a customer, I got a kick out of watching the twins and Tamaki race to her side. Hell, they even got out the flower petals again, which I had thought were safely hidden in the last ring of hell with Lucifer.

And then she started screaming. Now, normally I would have applauded her for so bluntly insulting the supposed King of the Host club. However, she didn't stop there. _She kept going_.

"I can't _believe_ you're recognized as the Prince in this club! A prince shouldn't sprinkle his love so easily! It makes girls' hearts tremble if you smile with sorrow, but why do you look so _stupid_?! It's as if you are a light headed narcissist! Useless! You're incompetent! You're disgusting! You're the _worst!_"

I let out a low whistle from my spot on the floor. "Damn," I mumbled, careful to maintain my english. "What a bitch." I was positive that no one here knew english well enough to understand my mumbling, except for maybe Kyoya, but he was a little busy staring at this… creature. Well, at least Hikaru won't understand. He sucks at english. I rolled onto my back to watch from another perspective.

Why am I speaking english? Why am I rolling around on the floor? Why is everyone seemingly ignoring me? The answer is simple, my friend.

I was being _punished._

Seriously, a couple of mentos in their cokes shouldn't have made them so upset. Sure, they thought the coke was tea, sure they got soda all over their costumes and they had to go change, sure it caused a huge fuss. They were totally over reacting. Hell, even the twins thought it was funny! Well, at least until _their_ drinks exploded, but regardless, I wasn't the only one! Anyhow, their way of dealing? They were ignoring me. Like two year olds. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph it was a mixture between downright adorable and terrifying. They wouldn't even look at me! Even Haruhi was in on it, and she's suppose to be my best friend!

Well, I use the best friend term loosely.

So there I was. Chilling on the floor with my homework spread about me in _some_ attempt to look productive. Obviously I wasn't doing anything other than shouting out random comments in english that people didn't really understand, but hey.

Kyoya, however, was taking some action. "Who are-?" He started, only to stop as the girl turned to him with tear filled eyes.

"I wanted to see you so badly! Oh, how I longed for this moment… my one and only prince charming!"

My face probably resembled something like a goldfish. "Did she say prince charming?"

On cue, the twins mimicked me, but in japanese. "_Did she just say prince charming?_"

Suddenly, everyone was hustling and bustling and the girl was seated with a cuppa in her hands. Did you like how I said 'cuppa' instead of cup? It sounded so british, didn't it? I think that's how they say it. I wouldn't really know, seeing how I'm not from the UK and don't know anyone from the UK, but I think I-

"I'm Renge Houshakuji! I'll be in grade 10 Class A!"

Fuck. "No! You're not!" I shouted, waving my arms about. "No crazy french ladies in my class, thank you very much. It's hard enough with the twins!" To my surprise (and slight pride - they were so focused!) they didn't even give me a glance. However, this Renge did, and I watched as her eyes narrowed.

"Who is that?" She asked, voice stiff but curious.

I gave my best crazy grin. And then I went off in a rant of vicious insults and creative titles. All in english, of course. And my smile only grew as a look of terrified confusion took over her face. Kyoya only took a moment to slap his hand over my mouth, stopping me mid-sentence. I glared up at him as he smiled apologetically at the french girl. "That's Audrey. She's a member of the club as well."

"What does she do?"

My voice came out mumbled as I tried to answer her through Kyoya's palm. "_She's the maid,_" The twins chorused, looking for all the world like really stunning attractive people. Damn them and their genetics. My eyebrows drew together as I glared at them. So what they were technically correct, they could have _lied_!

Renge gave a huff. "Well, you shouldn't have to touch her, Kyoya! If she is a maid, then she should know her place!" She looked down her nose. "And what on _earth_ is she wearing?"

Oh no.

She did not just diss the _Twenty One Pilots_ shirt. She couldn't have. She didn't. She wouldn't. If she did, then I was about to go fucking apeshit cause you _don't talk bad about my favorite bands._ If you can't remember that from last chapter.

On a side note, I was slightly pleased that the Host members recognized the murderous look in my eyes and sidetracked her with asking how she knew Kyoya. The boy in question gave me a look before slowly taking his hand away. I licked it real quick. His look turned into a disgusted grimace. I smiled.

"... Being affectionate to the backyards plants, which nobody paid attention to, kindly stretching his hand out to a wounded kitten-"

"_I can't imagine that at all,_" The twins deadpanned.

Haruhi took this moment to speak up. "I think you have the wrong person," She said kindly, for all the world trying to be a good person. Poor thing. She just doesn't understand that you can't deal with fangirls. Hell, I'm a fangirl. Just give me a Jenson Ackles cut out and I would be busy for _hours_… in a totally, not sexual way, haha… ha…

Only _Supernatural_ watchers will understand what I mean. We love you, Winchesters!

"No_ way!_" Renge shrieked. Ow. My eardrums. "I could recognize my love anywhere! He's a gentleman who's kind to everyone and doesn't ask for anything in return-" Insert my disbelieving snort here. "-He likes solitude, but in fact sometimes he gets lonely. He looks like the star of the popular dating sim, Uki-Doki Memorial! You're my real-life Ichijo Miyabi!"

I perked up. "Isn't he in _Vampire Knight_? Thats a good manga."

Kyoya frowned, and put a hand to his chin. "I see… She's in love with that character. She's projecting that love onto me, and she somehow deluded herself into thinking we're engaged." He paused. "I assume this Miyabi character probably wears glasses as well."

There was a general sigh of relief. "So, she made it up. You're not really her fiance, right?"

"Well no, I don't remember ever asking for her hand in marriage. Besides, this is the first time I've ever met the woman."

"Girl," I corrected. "And you could have ordered her online."

I watched as his mask cracked, exposing a smile. Ha! More points for Audrey! _Damn_, I'm good.

The girl put her hands on her cheeks, smiling sweetly. "From what I see from the report, you're managing everything in this club, Kyoya-Sama?"

I blinked. Sama. _Sama_. What did that mean again? I frowned, staring down at my hands as I tried to think. I never bothered with honorifics, because I'm a horrible person like that. Besides, nobody seemed to mind… too much. Except maybe the teachers. But I refused to call anyone Sensei except my future husband. Imagine how creative that could get in the bedroom?

Did I just make you uncomfortable?

_Success._

I was drawn from my sudden zoning out session by a hard pat on the back. "Audrey!" Everyone cheered. Suddenly… not ignoring me. Having lived with an older brother, I immediately sensed danger. So I did what any normal, sane girl would do. I collapsed to the floor.

"Ow!" I cried, clutching my side. "My spleen! My spleen! Oh no, now my ribs! God, my lungs!" I grabbed onto Hunny, who crouched over me with wide eyes. "It's.. the end… for me…" I whispered, trying not to giggle as tears welled in my eyes and he looked about ready to have a panic attack.

A swift kick to the side made me shriek for real. "_Stop faking_," the twins drawled, rolling their eyes.

"You've got Renge duty," Hikaru said with a nod.

"Just keep her busy for as long as we need you to, okay?"

I rolled around like a limp noodle. "But I dun wanna!" I wailed. "She's crazy!"

"_And you're not?_"

"But she's french crazy!"

Tamaki picked me up by the armpits and tried to make me stand. I refused, letting myself hang limply in his arms. "Audrey! If you don't do it, we'll triple your debt!"

I scoffed and let my head roll back so I could give him a stare. "That may work on Haruhi, but it doesn't work on me! I absolutely refuse to deal with idiots!" Then I stopped. "Well, technically I'm surrounded by idiots on a daily basis, but…"

Haruhi heaved a sigh. "I'll watch her with you, okay?"

Cue instant brightening! "Oki doki!" I cheered, lunging forward to wrap my arms around her. She suffered my affections in silence. "As long as I have Haruhi, I can deal with anything!"

**The Next Day**

"I _lied_," I sobbed onto the counter, the cool granite a balm against my red cheek. "I can't handle it. Nope. Too much Renge. Too much."

Not only was she one of the most _feminine_ people I had ever suffered, but she demanded that I _do_ things for her! Seriously! Like I was actually a maid! Which I kinda am, but I'm not. Regardless, it was officially torture watching over her. I wanted to stab her in the eyes and feed them to crocodiles. Actually, I couldn't feed them to anything because as soon as I told them who those eyes belonged to, they would vomit the eyes back out and set themselves on fire because of the horror of it all.

Haruhi patted my back, her bowl of cookie batter balanced precariously in the crook of her arm. "Just look on the bright side," she chirped, completely unfazed with my moaning. "You get free cookies."

I glanced at Renge. She was tossing things into her bowl willy nilly. "Uh, I rather not be poisoned, _thank_ you." However, I _did_ want cookies, and I wasn't too shabby at cooking…

But _effort_.

Cookies?

Fucking hell.

I heaved a sigh and rolled myself off the table. "Fine, but you know what? I'm making my own cookies, and no one can have any," I sniffed. And I wasn't going to lie, I kinda wanted to show off. Moist, delicious chocolate chip cookies against whatever it was Renge was making? Oh yeah.

I'm a vindictive bitch, but I think we know this already.

Whipping my ipod out of my pocket (I always kept it close, just in case I needed to ignore people) and plugged in the ear phones. Brendon Urie from _Panic! at the Disco_ crooned in my ear and I was ready to go. I grabbed a bowl, flour, chocolate chips, eggs, and other necessary ingredients. And then proceeded to make the best damn chocolate chip cookies _ever_ in the world. Yes, they were that awesome.

Renge and Haruhi were drowned out as I sang along. "Let's get these teen hearts beating faster, faster!" I may have frightened them with my dancing and hip shaking. But hell, who _didn't_ start dancing when music came on? Crazy people, that's who. And so, after about a half hour of gyrating to R rated lyrics, I picked my cookies out of the oven and slid them onto a plate. I waited for my cue (which was the twins chorus of, _that's nasty_) and sauntered in. "Audrey is here to save the day!" I cheered.

Immediately Hunny plowed into my legs. "Sweets? Sweets? Sweets?" He sounded like a two-year old deprived of his daily dose of milk. I took one of the still warm cookies and placed it in his hands.

Then I was surrounded by the twins, who took turns leaning forward to expect my handiwork. I shoved a cookie into each of their mouths, and tried not to feel to happy when they moaned.

"That is a-"

"_Good_ cookie."

I sighed. "Yes, I know." I walked over to the table, a drooling Hunny on my heels. The Host club was on it like a pack of wolves as soon as I set it down. I shot Renge a satisfied smirk when Kyoya took one of my cookies. Ha! Take that, you crazy french woman!

"Hey, you had one?"

I blinked at Kaoru, who gave me a shy smile. "Nope!" I sang, trying to ignore the subtle whispers in my head. My intuition had been wonderfully dormant when I came to Kaoru over the last few days, and fuck me if I was going to let it act up again.

An arm wrapped around my front and pulled me backwards against a familiar chest. God dammit, if I blush, they won't let me hear the end of it! I try to channel Haruhi's careless expression as Hikaru pressed one of my cookies to my lips. "They're… really good," he whispered in my ear.

Oh.

Oh lord have mercy.

I gave a panicked shout and lunged away, running half way across the room and into the drapes by the window. Vaguely I heard myself repeating the word 'nope' as I cocooned myself in the cloth like a caterpillar.

Silence.

"_Success!_" The twins chorused.

"Personal bubble!" I yelled back. Frustrated tears welled up in my eyes. I _hated_ them when they pulled this shit. Yeah, I could dish it, but hell it was hard to take it. Being confident in myself took me _forever_, especially considering my unique hobbies and my little superpower, and even now I still have doubts. Sure I'm pretty, sure I'm intelligent. Sure I'm a cool girl. But the male gender seems to have a knack for toppling that tower of self-esteem like freaking jenga. I felt like Sookie Stackhouse when it came to boys. And for those who don't know who she is, she's a twenty-some year old telepath. If you aren't making a connection, then you must be a bit dull.

I was fine when _I_ was initiating it. Because then I had some semblance of control. But as soon as the twins took the reins, I was outta there faster than a fat lady spotting a McDonalds. No offense to fat people, of course.

"Lukewarm… You're all not good enough!"

At shit, Renge is yelling again. Nothing like a girl on a rampage to drag you from depressing thoughts.

"Each of you needs to have some sort of dark side. You understand? Girls are vulnerable to handsome young men who are troubled!"

I couldn't help but agree with her. "She has a point!" However, I doubt anyone heard me from my little spot in the curtains. But she _was_ right. I couldn't count on my fingers _and_ toes the amount of movie and book characters that I absolutely adored and every single one has a tragic story in some way. Tom Riddle? Jack Frost? Jon Snow? Finnick Odair? Allen Walker? Oh, the list goes on and on.

"If you keep carrying on like this, it's only a matter of time before the girls get tired of you and stop coming all together. Are you trying to ruin my precious Kyoya's business? As your manager, it's my duty to change your character backgrounds. Let's start with you!"

At this I managed to fight my way out of the drapes and watch as she pointed a finger at Hunny. Oh no! Not my precious! The poor boy looked on the verge of tears as Renge ripped him a theoretical new one.

"If all you are is cute, inside and out, then you're no different to a baby. Therefore, from now on, you are the baby-faced thug."

Pfft. Oh my god.

"And Mori senpai, you're his childhood-friend, the flunky."

I slapped a hand over my mouth. Don't laugh. Don't laugh. Audrey, don't laugh or-

"And the twins! You suffer from the fact that nobody can tell the difference between the two of you! You're also basketball players enslaved in their own world!"

Cue blinking. Wow, that first bit hit the nail right on the head. That's scary. And also sobering. The urge to giggle has faded.

"Haruhi, you're an honor student who's constantly being bullied."

Well, if sexual harassment counts as bullying, then Renge is on a roll.

"And as for you, Tamaki, you're the school idol who's admired for your good looks but you actually have an inferiority complex you're hiding from the world. The lonely prince."

Urge to giggle is back.

"And Kyoya, you're perfect just the way you are now. So I want you to stay as kind and affectionate as ever, 'kay?"

Yup, I can't hold it in. I crouch on the floor as the giggles overwhelm me. I can't handle it! Kyoya, so _perfect_! Someone get me a paper bag, I can't breathe! Ahh-

"But I don't think Audrey should be in the club anymore."

Woah.

Hold the phone.

_What_ did she just say?

"She just takes the attention away from you guys, and from the state of this room, she can't even do her job properly! This is a _Host_ club, with _boys_, and I think she's ruining the image."

What to do, what to do… burst into tears or get angry? I could always be self-sacrificing and be all, 'you know, she's right, maybe I should go,' and then leave dramatically. That would be interesting. I put a finger to my lips in thought. Was I worried? Nah, not really. I had firmly planted myself in the club and had no concerns that I would be booted out. It _was_ annoying that she would suggest it though. What a bitch move.

"_Um, how about no?_"

"Yeah, Audrey-Chan is our friend! We wouldn't do that to her."

Aww, my most loyal followers. I shall reward them with more cookies.

"Speaking of Audrey, could she _please_ come out from behind the drapes? It's bothering me."

I peaked at them all, and wanted to sing in joy as they all were watching me with various expressions of amusement. "Shut up, Hikaru," I scolded, but I couldn't help but smile. Even though I knew they would (thanks intuition!), it was nice to actually hear them stick up for me. "It's your fault I'm hiding in the first place."

His grin split his face. "You couldn't handle my charm."

"Nope," I agreed.

I watched as his grin faltered. "Are you being sarcastic?" He looked at his twin, whose jaw had dropped. My head shake only seemed to confuse them further. A smile of my own stretched across my face as they began to panic.

"I think she's serious."

"What does this even _mean_?"

"What are we supposed to do?"

Renge spoke up, obviously a bit put out that her advice concerning me wasn't being heeded. "Fine, but she better not get in the way of my plan!"

As one we turned to the french girl. "_What plan?_"

* * *

Eh, not my best chapter. But then again… you guys didn't review quite that much… But it's better than nothing c: I wuv you guys… oh dear, I'm getting emotional… sniffle...

Ahem. Anyways. This will cover two chapters as you can no doubt tell. Hopefully that doesn't bother anyone too much, but if you can't tell, Audrey enjoys skipping the unnecessary tidbits. It's annoying to me, actually, but noooooo Audrey just has to jump around and start in the middle of things. No preparation for me at all. Hmph.

**Chapter Question: Actually, it's more like 'Ask Audrey Whatever You Want' chapter question. Ask her anything and I'll have her answer next chapter c:**

**Review Responses**

**xxrxuxsxtxyx;** aww thank you darling c: I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well!

**Shadow Fox 2013;** I try ^^ Though I don't necessarily succeed all the time… hah… ha… SO YES SUCCESS RIGHT? How was the chapter? Hope it was good, love you long time, kiss kiss smooch

**TartPixie;** Ahh I can't wait till he comes into the story. Audrey and Nekozowa would have great conversations. So its okay if you ship her with him ;3 Anyway, I hope you approve of this chapter and its good enough okay okay

**White Aura Dragon;** Hmm… maybe -wink wink- We shall seee. Hikaru and Audrey have a unique relationship so far, and I honestly think he has no idea what to do with her. Because she reacts differently then most girls do he's kinda confused, but at the same time doesn't know how to go about being friends with her any other way. Insert confusion here! Oh, and candy. I love candy. Brb gonna go share it with Hunny.

**skyfire101;** You're so sweet, thank you so much for the well wishes c: I'm doing better now, and look! It's a chapter! Admittedly not the best, but its a chapter! yay!

**Flameswolf;** -cough- I believe you mean 'is'? XD Haha but thank you for reviewing! It really means a lot to my poor writers soul. Especially since I don't have a beta.

**dont-even-ask1;** because it took you so long, we cannot be friends. You can't read my story. GET OUT FOO. Naw jk don't leave I would cry ;~; EEEK does this mean this story is one of your favorite oh my gosh someone get me a fan I can't breathe. Please favorite. Please. I would die from happiness. BUT I understand waiting to make sure I don't fall off the face of the earth before favoriting. Regardless you reviewed and tfsjafksdjf;ksdljfsdakfdj -indescernable screeching here-

WELL FOLKS, I guess this would be the time to put out an announcement - I am looking for a beta. Anyone interested, shoot me a PM or review here, I guess c:

And also, I'm sorry it takes me so long to review - life is a whore.

That is all.

~ Calloniel


	10. Chapter X

**Chapter X - The Art of Not Giving Fucks**

My eyebrows furrowed as I buried myself into the script, getting closer and closer to the page until the lines of text blurred. "What is this shit?" I threw it away from me and crossed my arms. "Ugh, I'm feeling nauseated just reading it. How the hell does it go to a basketball game to fricking rain forest? Not to mention the fact that she has Hikaru being the sub."

The aforementioned twin threw his arms up, exasperated. "Finally! Someone else noticed."

The other Hitachiin boy shrugged and leaned back in his chair. "I don't mind that much…"

Insert snort here. "This whole thing is stupid," I grumbled, sinking low in my own seat. Renge had someone come up with the idea of making a short movie film thingy about the Host Club and their 'new' characters. She dragged an entire hollywood crew to Japan for that sole purpose. And I wasn't just being bitchy because I didn't get to be in the movie. No, that wasn't it at all.

Okay, maybe a little bit. But ugh, the script was horrendous and where are the scalpels so I can cut my eyes out?

Said girl was screaming directions as they set up the 'continuation' scene where Tamaki comes in like a depressed little girl and moans about his life. The boy in question was looking into a small hand held mirror, making different sad expressions. Haruhi, Honey, and Mori were off in a corner chatting about their scene which I was kinda excited to see. How adorable would an evil Hunny be? I sighed. "Well, at least you guys did a decent job. Cheesy, but decent."

The twins gave me a look. "_Thanks, Audrey._"

"We really care-"

"-About your opinion on our performance."

"Hikaru! Kaoru! Get _over_ here! We're rolling straight through!" Renge's scream cut through the air like a shrill bird releasing his mighty mating call.

Pfft.

Mighty mating call.

Suits her, don't it?

The boys both sighed, but obediently left their seats and went to the grass where Renge stood with her hands on her hips. I pouted at the loss of my entertainment. What was I suppose to be doing _now_? The only good company just sauntered off to be depressing basketball players. Fuck, _everything_ about this stupid movie thing is depressing. And I didn't even _like_ basketball. Hell, I didn't like sports in general. Give me a bowl of nutella and icecream with a comfy couch and a plasma screen TV any day. Or everyday.

"And _action!_"

On cue, fake rain started to pour from down on the twins, who were posed dramatically in the grass. Tamaki approached in a plain white shirt, which when soaked, would probably be the greatest fan service I had ever seen. He started his long schpeel of sadness and woe and I started picking at the earwax stuck to my earbuds.

It was over in less than a minute, and again two soaking wet boys were sprawled on the chairs to either side of me. "_This is exhausting_," they whined.

I kicked my feet back and forth, ignoring them and puffing out my cheeks. Maybe if I held my breath long enough I would pass out and get to skip all this boring shit. It was tempting. But I tend to avoid inflicting harm upon myself. Just because I have a high pain tolerance doesn't mean I enjoy it.

Kaoru scooted his chair over and rested his head on my shoulder. "I'm tired," he quipped, adding a yawn to make it a little more legit.

His twin mimicked him, his hair brushing my throat. "Me too."

I glowered at the dead weight. Where was a bat when you needed it? And I mean the wooden one. Not the animal. Though I wouldn't mind having a pet bat. They're so freaking cute!

And then Renge was in front of me, looking at the scene with displeasure. I just gave her a grin. "I feel like a pimp," I said cheerfully. The twins snorted, but otherwise didn't move. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought they were actually comfortable where they were. The manager rolled her eyes.

"Audrey, could I get your help with something? Please?"

I put a finger to my chin in thought. "Well… only because you asked me so nicely." Hopping off my chair, I followed the girl to the other side of the building, ignoring the twins moans of displeasure. Two unfamiliar guys were hanging out, one standing with his arms crossed while the other leaned against the wall. I gave them a nod, which they returned. One raised an eyebrow and I gave him a shrug while the other rolled his eyes. Ah, the give of silent communication. It's a skill. Im so full of skillz, with a z because that is just how skilled I really am.

"Okay, wait right here, and I'm going to go get Haruhi!" Renge cheered, darting off and leaving me with the strangers.

I looked them up and down, scrutinizing. "You aren't going to rape me, are you?"

The reaction was immediate, and more entertaining than I could have hoped for. Both flushed a tomato red and began spluttering and coughing.

"No, what-"

"Of course not! How-"

"I can't-"

My eyes narrowed. "So… are you telling me I'm not pretty enough?" Hands on the hips, head tilted to the side. And the boys were immediately falling over themselves.

Oh my god, this was too much fun.

Never leave me alone to my own devices. Ever.

Then Renge was leading Haruhi over to us. "I'd like these people to be featured in the film too!"

My eyes widened slightly. Really? Me? In a film? Dammit, why couldn't my big break be in an actual movie, like the Hunger Games? Hell, I wouldn't even mind if I died at the Cornucopia in the blood bath and got two minutes of screen time. Anything was better tahn this!.

Renge kept going as I mourned my celebrity status. "We need some bad guys for the big climax! That's when all the club members come together to fight against the _real_ villains at their school. According to the script, these two are from a wealthy family that got their money by being part of the japanese mafia! And Audrey plays the main villain who is jealous of Kyoya and my relationship and uses these guys to get back at the Host club for shunning her! Don't you think it's a brilliant casting choice?"

Cue angry bristling. "Ex_cuse_ me?" I can't believe this! Not only am I the villain, but I'm that crappy villain. Why can't I have an actual villain story? And why would I be jealous of a fake relationship? Why?_ Why_? "I knew that script was shit," I seethed. "Doesn't make any fucking sense!"

The boys seemed to agree with me. "What's with this girl?" One grumbled, eyes narrowed.

The other was even angrier than I was. "Whatever my dad does has nothing to do with me!"

I patted his shoulder. "You tell her, mate!" However, at his glare, I tiptoed away to stand far away. Something sparkly caught my eye by the equipment and, thoroughly distracted, I went to investigate, bending over at the waist. Maybe it was money. I love money.

Haruhi was spouting meaningful nonsense. "Renge, maybe it's convenient for you, but if you only see people two dimensionally, don't you think you're missing who they actually are?"

The manager cocked her head to the side in thought. Maybe she was actually a little deeper than I - "I don't have a clue what you're talking about. Anyway." She grabbed onto one of the boys arms. "Just come over here and wait for your cue-"

He snapped. "Hey! You don't even know me, and you can't do whatever you want! Don't act so big-headed just because you're from Class A!"

And suddenly a body rammed into me, sending me sprawling into the equipment. I gave a cry as the impact sent my head banging into the steel.

Ouch.

Ouch.

Ugh.

Not okay.

Pain. Lots of pain.

Spots danced across my vision and my brain felt a bit dislodged. My eyes filled with tears as I squeezed my eyes shut. I lifted my hands to cradle my face, as though that would help ease my pain. It felt like my head was being impaled by spikes. Big spikes, like Vlad the Impaler spikes. However, I was proud to say that no tears fell and my moaning was for the most part silent. High pain tolerance, yeah? Haruhi and Renge and the boys panicked voices drew me out of my pain filled stupor. "Oh my god, are you okay? I didn't mean-"

"Audrey, can you hear me? I think she hit her head."

"Oh gosh! Im so sorry, Audrey-"

"Hey! What was that just now?!" Was that Tamaki? When did he get on the scene? Arms gently pried my hands away from my face. My eyes opened to see Mori staring at me with his usual blank expression.

I gave a weak grin, one eye shut as the light suddenly seemed _blinding._ "Is that concern I see in your eyes, Takashi?" His only response was a grunt and his fingers coming through my hair. I obediently lowered my head so he could check for… whatever it was he was checking for. At least, I kept it down long enough until I heard the distinct sound of someone getting punched in the face. "Holy shit!" I screeched, then winced. "Ow ow ow ow."

Hunny stood before me, eyes narrowed in a way I had never seen before, shaking out his hand. Tamaki was at his side, though watching Hunny with a strange expression. "You better get outta here." Oh my god, his _voice_. "I don't want to see your faces anywhere near Audrey again, you understand?"

Aw, look at him! Defending me. My heart swelled up full of feels and I may or may not have started crying. If anyone asks, it was the dirt. Or a bug. Someone poked me. But I totally wasn't getting all emotional because nobody had ever defended me like that.

… Yeah.

Wait, I just got hit in the fucking head, why am I making stupid ass excuses when the logical one is right there? I'm so intelligent.

The boys put their arms up. Well, one did, while the other held his friend to keep him from collapsing. "Look, it wasn't our fault! It was that chick!" And then they pointed to Renge. I glanced at her to see her eyes filled with stressed tears. Cue more angry bristling. What the fuck?! She wasn't even hurt! I was! And _she_ was crying?

Feeling a bit of a kindred spirit with the two guys (hey, we both have to suffer the fool that is Renge) I gave a long, pain filled moan. As I expected, everyone immediately turned to me. I took that moment to give the guys a look. You know, a look that said, 'leave while they're distracted!' They must have gotten the message because they turned and ran like the devil was on their heels. Which, considering Hikaru and Kaoru called out a load of threats to their retreating backs, he might have been. Or they.

Then my little defender was wrapping his arms around me, wailing like a babe. "Audrey-Chan! Are you okay? Did they hurt you? What happened!"

I ignored him in place of giving Renge a dark look. "The guys were right, you know. It was her fault. Haruhi can back up that claim."

Sure enough, she did. "They were provoked."

Mori gave a hum. "It looks like you'll just have some bad bruising. You aren't bleeding anywhere."

"Aw, shucks. I was hoping to use the blood in my next satanic ritual and summon the devil to do my dirty deeds."

Do I hear crickets?

"_Wow, Audrey, you're such a laugh._"

I scowled at them. They made a face. I made a bubble with my spit. Hikaru looked disgusted while Kaoru groaned. Yay! Another Audrey victory!

"That… that was perfect! It could use some effects and we should swap out Audrey for someone else, seeing how she's the villain, but that would make a perfect addition to the movie!" Renge was squealing excitedly. She turned to the camera man. "Please tell me you got that on film!" Hell, I think fingernails on a chalkboard would be a better sound to listen to.

Mori didn't spare her a glance and grabbed me by my chin, tilting my head this way and that. "You should be fine, but we can go to the nurse."

I shrugged. "No different than getting hit in the head with a baseball bat."

Cue a rousing chorus of, "_You've been hit in the head with a baseball bat?_"

"When was this?" Kaoru demanded.

"Did you go to the hospital?" That was Hunny.

"Who did it?" That was Tamaki.

Another shrug. "It was awhile ago. I-" I was stopped by the sound of shattering grass and a mans voice screaming as his baby died. And Im talking about the camera man cause he was really upset about his now broken camera. Kyoya stood, rock in hand, with a pleasant expression on his face. I gave a low whistle. "Way to go, Kyoya."

Renge looked totally lost. "Wh… why did you do that?"

"I'm terribly sorry, but I cannot allow there to be any record of a club member engaging in violence." Everyone (except Kyoya) looked at Hunny, who scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. "I think you've caused enough trouble around here, Renge. Please stop being such a pest."

"Kyoya, I could kiss you," I said seriously. He raised an eyebrow at me, but before anyone could comment, Renge bursted into tears.

"A… a pest? But you're suppose to pat me on the head and tell me not to worry. You're suppose to be kind and affectionate, Kyoya. Why are you acting so differently now?"

That was about the time I noticed a stunning lack of feeling in my brain. I froze as Tamaki and the others gave Renge some kind of scolding, one that any other time I would have gladly participated in. But it was _gone_. Poof, nonexistent. My intuition. Fuck, it _couldn't_ be gone. Right now, I should be subconsciously ignoring the wave of caring coming from Hunny, and the concern that the twins so masterfully hid. The ever present thoughts of the future and the subtle messages behind everyones actions should be bombarding me.

But they weren't.

I closed my eyes and concentrated through the sudden ache in my skull. I didn't have a concussion, I knew that much. Hopefully it would come back. Right? I _wanted_ my brain power. Fuck telepaths who hate their ability, I _love_ mine. And I wanted it back.

* * *

I was napping on the couch when club officially started. It had been… three days? Maybe a little more since the filming incident and Hunny still insisted on wrapping up my head like a freaking mummy and putting me down to rest. The pain had long since gone away, but I think he enjoyed playing doctor.

Which can be kind dirty, if you think about it.

"Oh, that film was fantastic," a girl gushed to Tamaki. Her companions mimicked her, praising his 'lonely prince' persona. I kept my eyes closed, just… listening. Listening was fun. And distracting.

See, my little gift had come back, thank goodness. I would have gone insane. However, it seemed to be a little different, if only because it was a lot more… emotion based? I think? It was kinda weird, but I was getting the hang of it again. It was like finding an old toy you forgot in the attic and getting reaquainted. My own Sheriff Woody.

Kyoya leaned against the arm of the couch. "How are you feeling, Audrey?" A courtesy question, because I don't think he really cared all that much.

I shrugged. "Eh, feeling fine." My eyes remained shut, and I enjoyed the peaceful silence. But you know what they say about cats and their curiosity. Meow. "So you sold the film?"

"Yes. I may have destroyed the lense, but the footage was fine. I cut out the last scene, of course. And sales have been doing pretty well."

Twin senses started tingling. "_Are you bothering Audrey?_"

"You know Hunny Will-"

"-Get mad if she doesn't rest."

I decided I could crack open _one_ eye. The twins hovered above me, golden eyes going between me and Kyoya. Feeling adventurous, I grabbed Kaoru's hand and pulled on it as I rolled onto my side. He made a strangled noise as I held the limb captive to my chest, snuggling it like a teddy bear. "Comfy," I mused.

Hikaru snorted, but a slight red haze seemed to radiate off of him. Creepy. "If you really wanna hold someone, go borrow Usa-Chan."

Cue evil grin. "Kaoru doesn't mind, does he?" I batted my eyelashes at him and tried not to feel too satisfied when he couldn't look me in the eye. Coughing, he disentangled himself from me and I let him go. And I wasn't reluctant to do so. Not at all.

"We got, um, customers, and I, lets go." They departed, each grabbing a girl by the arm and leading them away.

I giggled.

Kyoya raised an eyebrow.

Renge showed up.

And I rolled over to shove my face in the back of the couch.

"Hey! I thought you went back to France."

"I thought she was _staying_ in France," I snarled. Kyoya gave my head a swatt with his little black book.

"Play nice," he scolded, but the amusement was so evident in his voice I didn't even _need_ intuition to know it was there.

My scowl wouldn't be deterred. "Only if she jumps into a pit of vipers." I was being bitchy. But she bothered me. And I didn't like being bothered. Unless I was doing the bothering. Haruhi strolled up from wherever she had been and patted my foot in a comforting gesture. Renge, seeing the girl, decided to approach.

Where's the gasoline and the matches?

"I can't believe I didn't realize this sooner," she said quietly. "I could feel the love when you lectured me about judging people. When you said it was fun to get to know people little by little you were talking about me." Her expression changed into something hard. "And I'm going to try! Haruhi, I'll get to know you little by little too!"

Da fuck.

"Come on, Haruhi, let's go to my house and play games!"

Ew.

No no no.

Not okay.

Time for drastic measures!

I lunged up and wrapped my arms around Haruhi before Renge could get a hold of her. "Nope!" I sang, popping the 'p'. "Mine. And I don't share."

Haruhi's palm met her face as Renge shot me a glare. "Audrey, please don't say things like that…"

"As a matter of fact," I continued. "The whole club is mine. Now shoo, go play RPG's or something."

Another swatt from Kyoya.

Renge gave me a glare. "You know, it's not nice to hang on people! Haruhi doesn't like that, do you?" She turned to the dark haired girl.

Before she could respond, I stood up on my knees and nuzzled my face into the crook of her neck. "Me and Haruhi have something special, don't we darling?" Then I licked her, slowly and dramatically running my tongue up her throat.

"_Intervention!_" The twins shouted, and I started laughing as they both grabbed me and pulled the two of us apart. And I don't mean simple laughing, but full blown snorting, 'shit I can't breathe' laughing that made me seem like a mad man. Woman. Tamaki was shaking me about by the shoulders, complaining about his daughters innocence, and Hunny was totally confused and trying to figure out what was going on. Mori was just shaking his head.

Gosh, the things I do for entertainment.

* * *

**HEY YOU. YES, YOU. READING THIS STORY. IMPORTANT NOTICE IN MY AUTHORS NOTE. SO READ IT. YES, I AM TALKING TO YOU. NO, NOT YOU, **_**YOU.**_** READ THE AUTHORS NOTE. Bitch.**

Since I got 12 reviews for the last chapter, and I split it up into two separate parts, I decided to try and get this out a bit faster for you guys c: Hopefully this doesn't disappoint.

Two things regarding the immediate future - I am participating in NANOWRIMO and I'm not sure if I will be able to update then at all. However, I will try to get another chapter out before that, and I have one partially written up. Which leads to my next point.

THIS IS NOT A CROSSOVER, but I thought I might have some fun and have the characters Sasuke and Sakura visit Audrey/the Host Club after school. It would probably be one of the few chapters they would ever be in, but regardless I felt I should ask if that would bother you too much. It makes for interesting tension between Audrey and her two groups of friends.

So I guess thats the chapter question? Anyway, Audrey has deigned to respond to your guys' questions (the few that decided to ask any.)

Q: Who's your favorite band/artist?

A: Ahh… I don't really have favorite bands? I'm more of a 'oh shit this song fucking rocks' kinda gal rather than an obsessive 'look its another song by Katy Perry!' But if I did have some fav bands, then I would have to say _Twenty One Pilots_, _Walk the Moon_, and _Fall Out Boy_.

Q: Oh wait there are no other questions nevermind.

**Review Responses**

**xxrxuxsxtxyx;** -hands over a batch of Audrey cookies- She insists I inform you that with every bite, you must declare her the master overlord of all things sweet and chewy.

**White Aura Dragon;** Hee hee, I've been on a Tom Riddle streak myself. Delicious. I hope that I continue to impress you in some way shape or form ;~; I love reading your reviews, and you always have something nice to say c: I don't like Renge but at the same time I do. Audrey doesn't have that problem lol

**Flameswolf;** eeek SUPERNATURAL FTW yes I just said that. Wow. Regardless, I'm sorry! I would update faster too. Did you know that 47 people alerted this story? How freaking fantastic is that?! Now, if only every single one of them reviewed for every chapter...

**Shadow Fox 2013;** '_So I guess we're back to us, oh cameraman, swing the focus_

_In case I lost my train of thought, where was it that we last left off?_' Oh yes, _Panic! At the Disco_ is definitely one of my fav bands c: I'll probably have Audrey humming some more of their songs in the future, so keep an eye out!

**Kitsune232;** -smooch smooch- You have no idea the giggle fit I had when I saw your review. Look at how long it is! And full of great things and ugh I just could kiss you. Seriously. If you want a character in this story just ask. In regards to Audrey's intuition, I'm trying to keep it on the down low. I don't want that to be the focus of my story. So that is why it isn't mentioned all that much. And Ranka and Audrey will get along obnoxiously well. Regardless, I'm literally obnoxiously pleased you review and ugh thank you ;~; I shall keep going for you!

**Kso12;** HERE… YOU… GO...

**skyfire101;** As okay as I can be c: Thank you for caring, and reviewing!

**Extended Experience;** I hope you don't laugh _too_ hard. You could become constipated, you know. But I heard reviewing can cure that ;3

**iiAnimeLover;** That, my dear, is still up in the air. I'm not sure yet. But who would you _like_ her to be paired with?

**don't-even-ask1;** I give you kisses. I understand your Renge feelings completely - and I guess I take out some of my frustrations on her with Audrey. Simplest way to put it is that neither of us suffer fools, and Audrey ain't puttin' up with her shit, yo. EEK FAVORITES I FEEL SO SUCCESSFUL -faints-

**iclepicle;** 1 hour rules. You can still eat those marshemellows. And thanks for reviewing c:

**Sunstar Writer;** Oh! You should totally send me a PM c: I could really use a beta, but I'm notoriously unreliable and tend to post them as soon as I finish writing them ^^' probably not a good things… heh… heh… And have no fear, Audrey shall be questioning it. And will most likely be ignored.

**Guest Dragon;** HERE YOU ARE HOPE YOU LIKE IT c:

Alright, here is my important notice for those who skipped and didn't read or whatever. I desperately want 100 reviews, you have no idea. How great would 100 reviews be for 10 chapters? That's ten reviews per chapter. Which is beautiful. And seeing how 47 people follow, I KNOW WE CAN DO IT. So please. Cature to the whims of this sad authoress. She promises to update faster if you guys review more.

Okay, I'll stop now before I get desperate.

But yeah. It would make my life.

I love you.

Okay this is totally a ridiculously long authors note, BUT REAL QUICK - I'm planning some stories for the following genres/pairings. If you're interested, send me a PM or review and I'll send you a little bit of my ideas c:

_Inheritance Cycle - Murtagh/OC  
__The Hunger Games - Finnick/OC  
__Game of Thrones - Unknown pairing, maybe Jon/OC  
__Ghost Hunt - Unknown pairing, either Eugene/OC or Oliver/OC  
__Supernatural - Probably Dean/OC with some Sam/OC on the side (same OC)  
__Rise of the Guardians - Jack/OC  
__Divergent Trilogy - OC/OC  
__American Horror Story: Murder House – No clue, maybe Tate/OC? Probably no pairing  
__Harry Potter - Either Fred/George/OC or Tom Riddle/OC_

Lotsa Love!

Calloniel


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